11/365- Bull and Puddle

Visual Artist Tracey Grumbach

“Zen masters say you cannot see your reflection in running water, only in still water.”
―Elizabeth Gilbert; Eat, Pray, Love

------------

It was good to spend some time with my husband and two oldest kids yesterday. Brian, Brenna, and I took a day trip to Pennsylvania and did some hiking at Ringing Rocks Park.  An amazing boulder field filled with rocks that ring like bells when struck and Bucks County, PA's largest waterfall are located at this park. It was a great day. Perhaps I will share a few photos in the future of this location. Then, we met Tyler and his girlfriend, Leah for dinner in Glen Rock, PA. It has been a while since I've had my oldest kids all together for quality time.

Today the twins are being baptized. We are so excited for them as they made this decision on their own. We have been attending a local church led by a pastor that we consider a family friend and we have been so happy there. We are so proud of their decision and can't wait for them to stand in front of the church to proclaim their faith. The fact that Brenna is safe and sound at home and she is able to experience this moment with her siblings is very special for us.

I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday. I am looking forward to a Raven's win today as the NFL season kicks off. I am thrilled the Patriots lost Thursday night...there is no better way to start the season than seeing Tom Brady mad and defeated. It's football season!

Until tomorrow...

xo

St. Louis Zoo- Photography by Tracey Grumbach

About these images: While traveling to visit family in St. Louis, my oldest daughter and I took a few hours one morning away from the hospital while the kids were in therapy. We decided to quickly tour the zoo, which was right across the street from the hospital. I decided to take along my camera and long lens to see what I could capture in the brief time I had there.

The St. Louis Zoo is really beautiful and totally worth going if you are ever in the area. The morning we went most of the animals were out, active, and visible. The enclosures were very natural looking and many of the animas had "pit-style" arenas in which they were kept so viewers didn't have to look through bars to see them. That was the case with the large cats as seen above.

This is one of the strangest creatures Brenna and I have ever come across. It looked kind of like a rodent in the face, a cow/buffallo in the body, a bear in its rear end, and a goat on its feet. According to the zoo's website, the Sichuan Takin is an "antelope-like goat" that is a relative of the musk ox and lives in Western China. Seriously, people, these creatures are so ugly they are cute, and they are HUGE (buffalo size). There were babies in the enclosure as well, and oh my goodness, just no words. Click the link above to see a video of the creatures on the zoo website.

One of my favorite animals to photograph are the zebras. I just love the abstract patterns that are unique to each individual animal, like a thumbprint. And their ears...dear heavens...wish I could rub them they are so cute and furry. I'm pretty sure the zebra wouldn't appreciate it my ear fetish, though.

The camels are always amusing to watch, especially when they are eating. Reminds me of some 9 year old twins I know, lol.

I'm not sure what the next creature's name is, but it sure is majestic with those long, twisting horns and beautiful eyes. Check out that neck beard!

Y'all know I love me some birds, and this one is no exception. It was HUGE! And the bright eye with the red stripe on its head just drew me in. It was quite beautiful.  I still have more bird images to edit and share at another time, but for now this one has the spotlight.

This banteng, a wild cow that is quite shy and lives in the jungle, was too adorable. I caught it taking its bath for the day as it licked itself all over in quite the lazy way. She seemed very flexible for a lady her size...perhaps she does yoga.

I have many more images to go through and edit, but I thought you might enjoy seeing some pure photographs for a change rather than digital art. I will continue to edit the other images and share another time. In the meantime, I hope you all stay safe from the impending snow fall (yes, I know it is predicted to be only a few inches) and have a beautiful day.

xo

The Amish Horse Team

Yesterday would have been my father's 73rd birthday.  Ever since his death in June, it has been a struggle without him.  We butted heads a lot, my father and I, but his love for me was endless and he was a great father.  I miss him dearly.  Holidays and special days are most difficult.  I found myself very quiet and reflective yesterday, remembering and honoring my father.  If I am not careful, I can let the sadness of it all overwhelm me and I know my father would not have liked that.  He would have used that tough love of his and he would have told me to stop being sad and feeling sorry for myself and get out and do something.  So, I did.

I took a drive in and around Lancaster, PA.  I just couldn't sit home and mope, so despite the -3 degree temperatures, I ventured out.  Along the way, I came across an Amish farm where I found this team of horses waiting patiently to head out into the frozen day to do some work.  I only stopped briefly to grab this picture and then I was on my way again, but something about them grabbed my attention.  I swear they knew I was taking their picture.  All 4 of them seemed like wise souls...the way they watched me somewhat interested in my presence yet somewhat detached and more interested in their owner letting them begin their day.

I'm glad I was able to get out, but the truth is, I am still sad.  I do miss my father every day and time doesn't seem to heal a thing when it is a loss this grand.  I am confident I won't wallow in the sadness of being without him, but I am also confident it won't ever become easy.

Dusty and Identifying the Enemy

I feel like I have been living in a bubble made out of a milky white substance

that doesn't totally obscure my view of the outside world,

but does deform and cloud it in such a way that I have been deceived.

Only, I didn't know I was being deceived.

I am famous for my trusting nature, bordering on the line of naivety,

and happily lived in that bubble of clouded vision for a long time.

Since I became sick and started going through the red tape and bureaucracy

that is our modern American healthcare system,

that milky white bubble in which I was so comfortably living has been burst...

popped in a huge explosion of harsh reality.

I can now see clearly things I couldn't before...for instance,

how our government is profiting, literally, from keeping us sick.

I can see how private enterprises, big pharmacy, and insurance companies

prey on us at our most vulnerable and difficult moments of illness

when our defenses and stamina for fighting are at the lowest.

Before I was blissfully living with the notion that the U.S. government was taking care of us,

looking out for our best interest and doing its best by its citizens.

Now...I see that the almighty dollar has twisted and manipulated

our government to the point where its citizen's best interest is not even on their radar.

Everything, including our basic healthcare (or lack there of) is influenced by economics.

It really is quite a startling wake up call for me.

But today, that is what I am thankful for...

my clearer vision of what my true enemies are

(not only the Lyme and Bartonella bacteria but also the healthcare system itself)

so that I may fight them and create a clear path back to health despite them.

And for those who think I am being melodramatic clearly have not

been through what so many Americans are going through...

paying tons of money into a fractured healthcare/insurance system only to be denied

coverage of basic treatments and tests because they are deemed 

NOT MEDICALLY NECESSARY by bureaucrats that sit behind desks 

with no knowledge of disease or the treatments that cure them.

End of rant.

The pictures above are of our sweet barn cat, Dusty,

who almost lost his leg (and possibly his life) this summer after a nasty attack

by what we assume to have been a groundhog or a raccoon.

I am so glad he is still around to purr and keep me company 

on the front porch as I rest in the morning sun,

absorbing as much Vitamin D as I can.

xo

The Big Bad Wolf Inside

**Just a note...I am in no way saying these are big bad wolves...

as a matter of fact, these wolves were beautiful, albeit wild, creatures.

The Wolf Sanctuary of Pennsylvania does an amazing job at rescuing these

animals and giving them a forever home in a loving environment.

The Big Bad Wolf reference is meant only to the bugs that are living inside of me...

see below***

After two long years of absolute hell trying to figure out what 

is going on inside my own body, 

trying to find the big bad wolf that is decimating me from the inside out,

I finally have a diagnosis.

Not a wishy-washy diagnosis such as "unclassified connective tissue disorder"

but a real solid, we-can-fix-this diagnosis...Chronic Lyme Disease.

The journey has been a long, scary, painful, expensive one.

I've wanted to give up many many times

and when, about a month ago, a doctor told me that I needed to start chemo,

I walked out feeling hopeless and defeated.

The voice inside my head and my gut instinct

(the whisper of God)

told me that was not the correct direction to pursue,

so after contacting a friend who had recently been diagnosed with a mysterious illness,

I was put in contact with a new doctor who had a fresh, holistic perspective

and was willing to start back at square one with me and figure this out.

And he did.

Instead of looking at each symptom and trying to fix the symptom,

he looked at all my symptoms as a whole and tried to find a ROOT CAUSE.

Why wouldn't the other doctors listen to me when I told them

all these health issues were related and that something was causing it all?

Since I have been infected with Lyme now for years,

it has had time to wreak havoc on my immune system,

destroy my adrenal function, and cause thyroid problems.

So, with that being that,

at least now I have a clear picture of what I am fighting against.  

I have a direction and a treatment plan that gives me hope for the future.

The treatment is a long, painful one that actually may cause me to be sicker

before I can get better, but at least I know that possibly a year or two

down the line I can have my life and my health back.

And that is something to be thankful for today.

Thank you, my friend, for pointing me in the direction of this doctor.

Thank you, doctor, for your belief in me and your knowledge.

Thank you to my family for supporting me all this time.

Thank you friends, for being my shoulder to cry on.

Thank you, God, for giving me the whisper to know what direction to take.

xo

Duck Walk

If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck.

I was sitting here thinking about how different my life would be if I didn't have my little ones.

My older two are into full-swing teen life

and are starting to leave the nest a lot more.

It seems like friends, girlfriends, jobs, etc are taking them away 

from home a bit more each day.

I know this is normal and healthy and I am happy for them

because they are amazing, well adjusted, smart kids...

But I do miss them.

Had we not adopted the twins a few years ago,

much of my life would have been quiet and child-free now.

Quiet and child-free is not necessarily a bad thing in little doses,

but as my son enters his senior year and my daughter enters her sophomore year,

I know the time draws near when they will be out and on their own for good.

I would be getting ready to enter a totally new phase of my life

as an empty-nester within the next 3 years.

That is not so; however, thankfully.

The twins are just entering first grade and have a long time yet

to be home and grow into their own person.

They fill the house with chaos and noise and laughter

that otherwise I would be missing right now.

Their fresh, innocent perspective on worldly matters 

brings humor and light into my life during a time

when my older ones are pulling away becoming more independent.

I am not quite ready to be an empty-nester just yet,

but I have a feeling by the time we raise these two little ones

and have them leaving home, we will be ready for it.

But until then, I am thankful for the noise and chaos they bring to my life.

xo

Male Luna Moth

I was lucky enough to enjoy the beauty of this luna moth this morning.

It overnighted on our side porch and gave me a smile

to start my day.

For that, I am thankful.

After reading about the luna moth life cycle,

I am even more grateful because once in the adult stage, 

a luna moth only lives for approximately a week before dying.

Even though luna moths are common, that is why it is rare to see one.

The adults do not have any mouth parts,

and therefore live off fat stores it created while in the caterpillar stage.

The sole purpose of the adult luna moth is to mate

and once that has occurred, there is no reason for it to be here anymore.

This little tidbit started me thinking...

are humans any different from other animals

in our purpose here on earth?

Are we here for any other reason than to just procreate,

raise our young and then die?

I hope so, but then I think it is a bit egocentric

to think the human race is any different that the rest

of the millions of species that roam this land.

I don't know.

I prefer to think of our death as a transition similar to birth...

a fetus knows nothing of the world outside the mother's womb,

yet the world exists nonetheless, 

which the infant soon finds out upon its birth.

I am hoping that upon death, we similarly will discover

that indeed there is another world out there that we know nothing of

until it is time to transition to that new existence.

I guess we don't have a choice but to wait and see...

xo

Spring Cow

A View from the Driveway

I am so very grateful that spring is here

and there is even a hint of summer in the air as well.

After the long, difficult winter,

spring is a most welcome visitor.

School is coming to a close in a few weeks

and that means I get to spend much more quality time with my kids.

My older two will be doing their own thing...

working, hanging out with friends, etc.

but I still have two little ones 

and I plan on making this a summer to remember for them.

This will be the first time they are not either in daycare or school

and I have them all to myself for the summer.

I think a few road trips might be in store for the family...

Have a beautiful day.

xo

Wise As An...Well, You Know

Today I am thankful for and excited about starting a new class.

As not to overwhelm myself, cause stress, and send

my autoimmune disorder into overdrive,

I chose to take an online class from home.

It will be my first ever art class...beginning drawing.

Yep, this should be interesting.

I have trouble drawing straight lines and circles.

Doodles I can do, but "real" drawing...nope.

Nothing like challenging myself!

Proud as a Peacock

Last night I ate at the restaurant where my oldest son works.

He has been working there for many months now,

so we decided to surprise him by stopping in for dinner.

Imagine how proud I was when his coworkers and

the owner of the establishment came over, 

introduced themselves, and told me what a wonderful

person and hard worker he was.

They all said, "We all love him around here!"

Yes, I was as proud as this peacock when I heard that!

As a mother, you only hope that your children will 

grow up to be hard working, smart, kind souls

and when you see that coming to fruition in your kids,

it makes a mother proud.

xo

More Than Different

Thought I would share this rare bird with you so it could

brighten your day as it did mine.

I had the privilege of seeing this beautiful creature

at the Plumpton Park Zoo on Mother's Day and I was 

fascinated with how regal and detailed the albino peacock

is despite its lack of color.

I do have to say, though, that peacocks are much more fun

to look at then to HEAR.

They have quite the annoying squawk!

Have a beautiful and rare day. 

xo

P.S.  For some reason this picture shows a bit darker on Blogger than it does on my computer.  Not sure why, it just does ;)

The Blackbird

I do not know which to prefer,

The beauty of inflections

Or the beauty of innuendos,

The blackbird whistling 

or just after.

~Wallace Stevens

Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird

This blackbird landed upon a branch 

while walking with my daughter yesterday.

She sent my attention to it, suggesting that it would make a lovely image

what with the lighting and the bare branches and its clear outline

set apart from the limb.

I happened to agree with her.

xo

Rose Breasted Grosbeak

Every spring for a few days each year, 

I am lucky enough to see these beautiful, shy birds at my feeder.

I so wish they would stick around for the summer, but alas,

despite Maryland being on the map for their "summer" range,

they are never spotted here in my rural Harford County location for more than a few days.

They have a beautiful song that is similar to an American Robin song,

only happier and more cheerful.

I had to shoot this image with my 400mm lens through glass

because they are very shy and cautious at the feeder.

Despite sitting still and quietly for an hour on my porch,

waiting for them to fly down to the feeder 

from their high perch in the cypress trees,

they never obliged my patience.

It's ok, though.

I don't mind enjoying them for a few days with 

my eyes and ears instead of the lens.

It makes their visit that much more special.

For more information about the Rose Breasted Grosbeak

and to hear their beautiful song, please visit 

the Cornell Lab of Ornithology.

xo

Loyal Friend

It dawned on me the other day that my sweet Buddy 

is not a spring chicken anymore.

My loyal friend who follows me from room to room,

my shadow who gives me unconditional love,

is heading into his elderly years.

He is 10 years old in people years,

but I guess that equates to about 70 years old in dog years.

I do hope he has many healthy years ahead.

As he stares at me, I often wonder what goes in that mind of his.

What is he thinking?

How much of my rambling does he understand?

Ah, yes, I will miss this guy when he is gone,

but hopefully that won't be for quite a while.

Who else will greet me at the door with such enthusiasm?

xo