Shaking Hands With the Dark Part of My Thoughts

Two days ago was a horrible day. We all have them. Truth be told, though, it almost crushed me. Days where things just pile on and pile on and pile on really challenge me. I guess it challenges everyone unless you are a complete saint. I'm not a saint. Not even close.

To start out, I haven't been feeling my best. I am not sure if I am having mold issues in the house again which is causing my sinus problems, or if I caught the virus my oldest daughter had about a week ago. Either way, for about 5 days I have been dealing with sinus pain, pressure, and headaches. So just waking up and getting going yesterday was a challenge.

Then, I had an appointment with the endodontist that did my jaw surgery in June of 2015. The teeth/jaw that he repaired had another infection and so it needed to be re-evaluated. I was praying for an easy solution to this latest jaw infection, but I came away from the appointment disappointed, frustrated, and terrified because the news was not good. The infection was back full force and once again was beginning to "eat away" at my jaw bone. The bone had not healed the way he was hoping it would and so the tooth can't be saved. He told me I would need to have the tooth extracted and have surgery on the jaw to remove the infection and implant a bone graft. Hopefully after this procedure, the infection will stay away and the bone graft will take to help regrow the bone that has been compromised from the infection. Of course, hearing this news on top of not feeling well to begin with was quite the blow.

On the way home from the appointment I stopped at a health food market to grab a few things we were out of since we got back from vacation. I went through the market quickly grabbing things I needed only to get to the cashier to realize I didn't have a credit card or cash to pay with. The night before I had given my oldest daughter my cash and card to pick up a few food essentials and both of us had forgotten to get my card back. Thank goodness I convinced the natural market to let me write a check for my purchase or I would've had to leave me entire order there.

I called my daughter after leaving the store to make sure that she still had my credit card and she told me that there was a problem at home. Apparently my youngest daughter used the bathroom and clogged up the toilet but instead of asking for help, she just flushed the toilet over and over causing a flood in our upstairs bathroom. When I got home I saw the extent of the damage, including drywall ceiling damage in our basement. I was devastated. I just couldn't take one more thing. Tears flooded my eyes and I just gave in to it. I couldn't even look at my youngest daughter because I was so angry about the damage she had done.

I cried. I called my mom. I called a friend. Then, I went into quiet mode. I realized, when I became still and quiet, that I could not start the day over, I could not control the world and all the bad things in it, but I could control my thoughts and reactions. I still had a safe home in which to live. I still had my family and friends. Yes, I had some health challenges again, but I am a fighter. I still had my sense of humor. Yes, there was some damage to the house, but that could be repaired with time.

So, I shook hands with the dark part of my thoughts, acknowledged them, and then sent them on their way, allowing the blessings and gratitude for the beautiful life I live to fill in the all the crevices in my heart and brain the dark thoughts were occupying. I can only control what I can control and the rest I need to leave up to God.

I went and found my daughter in her room, told her how disappointed I was and showed her the damage she had caused to the house. I told her what the consequences were going to be since she did something she knew was wrong. And then I hugged her. I told her although I was disappointed and angry, I still loved her and nothing she ever did could change that. And then I walked away to fix dinner and nourish my family.

So yeah, shitty days happen, in this case, literally. But overall, life is beautiful.

Columbia-Wrightsville Bridge

We build too many walls and not enough bridges.

-Isaac Newton

If interested, you can find the history of this bridge here. I suggest taking a minute to check it out because it has quite the history!

Have an amazing Sunday.  xo

On the Water's Edge

This image was inspired by a kayak trip along the Gunpowder River and then into Foster Branch. My husband and I dropped in at Mariner Point Park, paddled around the park's peninsula and into the more quiet and still water areas, away from the large motorboats.  I was thrilled to see many of my favorite birds, the osprey. One was even flying above our heads carrying a fish in its talons. It eventually perched in the branches of a dead tree and we paddled off into a cove to watch it eat from a distance. I wish I had my Canon 5D with my 400 zoom with me, but it was just way too choppy to risk it.

We also saw tons of turtles resting on driftwood throughout the river. Great blue herons were out and active. It was hysterical watching them watch us. They thought they were hiding in the tall marsh plants along the shore, standing ever so still except their eyes tracking us paddling by. It truly is a beautiful park and one of my favorite semi-local places to spot all kinds of birds.

The weather was questionable and the wind was blowing at quite a tilt. A storm was brewing in the distance. We pulled out just as the first claps of thunder were sounding. By the time we loaded the truck with the kayak and our supplies, the sky let loose.

If you ever have the chance to visit this park, either by land or by river, I highly suggest it.

xo

The Wheel

It is the season of carnivals,
Rides, spinning, twirling,
laughter, games, joy.

It is the season of storms,
thunder booming, rumbling
lightening, striking, igniting.

When it is good it is overwhelming.
When it is bad, it is frightening.



Can you see the man in the center of the wheel? He was putting the ferris wheel together preparing for a week long carnival in Park City, Pennsylvania. I didn't see him when I originally took the reference photo, but my daughter noticed him when I first showed her the picture. So, I kept him in the final digital painting because I thought he looked awesome up there. That man has a crazy job, I tell you.

I did notice, however, that part of wheel, the top section, was not fully constructed yet. I could have finished the wheel digitally by adding in that last section, but I loved the incomplete look and feel of it. So much in life is incomplete, is it not?

I will be ordering limited edition prints of this piece in the next month or so. If you would like to own Wheel, please use the contact button to pre-order.

From my family to yours, have a happy, safe holiday. Independence Day should be a day for celebrating, not injuries!  Be safe!