Shaking Hands With the Dark Part of My Thoughts

Two days ago was a horrible day. We all have them. Truth be told, though, it almost crushed me. Days where things just pile on and pile on and pile on really challenge me. I guess it challenges everyone unless you are a complete saint. I'm not a saint. Not even close.

To start out, I haven't been feeling my best. I am not sure if I am having mold issues in the house again which is causing my sinus problems, or if I caught the virus my oldest daughter had about a week ago. Either way, for about 5 days I have been dealing with sinus pain, pressure, and headaches. So just waking up and getting going yesterday was a challenge.

Then, I had an appointment with the endodontist that did my jaw surgery in June of 2015. The teeth/jaw that he repaired had another infection and so it needed to be re-evaluated. I was praying for an easy solution to this latest jaw infection, but I came away from the appointment disappointed, frustrated, and terrified because the news was not good. The infection was back full force and once again was beginning to "eat away" at my jaw bone. The bone had not healed the way he was hoping it would and so the tooth can't be saved. He told me I would need to have the tooth extracted and have surgery on the jaw to remove the infection and implant a bone graft. Hopefully after this procedure, the infection will stay away and the bone graft will take to help regrow the bone that has been compromised from the infection. Of course, hearing this news on top of not feeling well to begin with was quite the blow.

On the way home from the appointment I stopped at a health food market to grab a few things we were out of since we got back from vacation. I went through the market quickly grabbing things I needed only to get to the cashier to realize I didn't have a credit card or cash to pay with. The night before I had given my oldest daughter my cash and card to pick up a few food essentials and both of us had forgotten to get my card back. Thank goodness I convinced the natural market to let me write a check for my purchase or I would've had to leave me entire order there.

I called my daughter after leaving the store to make sure that she still had my credit card and she told me that there was a problem at home. Apparently my youngest daughter used the bathroom and clogged up the toilet but instead of asking for help, she just flushed the toilet over and over causing a flood in our upstairs bathroom. When I got home I saw the extent of the damage, including drywall ceiling damage in our basement. I was devastated. I just couldn't take one more thing. Tears flooded my eyes and I just gave in to it. I couldn't even look at my youngest daughter because I was so angry about the damage she had done.

I cried. I called my mom. I called a friend. Then, I went into quiet mode. I realized, when I became still and quiet, that I could not start the day over, I could not control the world and all the bad things in it, but I could control my thoughts and reactions. I still had a safe home in which to live. I still had my family and friends. Yes, I had some health challenges again, but I am a fighter. I still had my sense of humor. Yes, there was some damage to the house, but that could be repaired with time.

So, I shook hands with the dark part of my thoughts, acknowledged them, and then sent them on their way, allowing the blessings and gratitude for the beautiful life I live to fill in the all the crevices in my heart and brain the dark thoughts were occupying. I can only control what I can control and the rest I need to leave up to God.

I went and found my daughter in her room, told her how disappointed I was and showed her the damage she had caused to the house. I told her what the consequences were going to be since she did something she knew was wrong. And then I hugged her. I told her although I was disappointed and angry, I still loved her and nothing she ever did could change that. And then I walked away to fix dinner and nourish my family.

So yeah, shitty days happen, in this case, literally. But overall, life is beautiful.

Zen

This morning my youngest son, who is 8 but thinks and acts like he is 35,  dropped a full, unopened gallon of milk on the floor. It exploded with quite a dramatic flair as the bottom of the jug split open, causing the liquid inside to gush onto the floor. He stood there with his bottom jaw slack, not moving...frozen and staring at the dam of milk breaking and flooding onto the dry, thirsty wooden planks that make up our kitchen floor.

I remember thinking the "gunk, gunk" sound of the milk being released from the jug onto the floor sounded strangely like a thirsty co-ed gulping swallows from a beer bong at a college frat party. I quickly jumped into action, scooping up the damaged jug and what very little was left in it and placed it into the sink where the remaining contents could safely empty down the drain. As rage was starting to rise in my throat, (I was not yet fully awake and had yet to have my morning coffee) I reminded myself that although he was careless and was in a rush, causing this terrible mess, he was still an 8 year old boy who didn't do this on purpose. My instinct was to scream, yell, and throw the roll of paper towels at him. The acid of unsaid curse words burned my mouth as I sighed, asked him what he could do to fix this situation, and carefully handed him the paper towels.

I then instructed him how to wipe up large amounts of liquid (NOT swishing the paper towel around spreading the milk even further, but let it slowly absorb into the towel), how to properly wipe up the remnants of the sticky mess (including the cabinets which received quite a splash of milk themselves) with a wet paper towel, and then how to mop the floor. It turned into quite a learning experience for us both. Me, a lesson in patience and grace...him, a lesson in slowing his roll, thinking before doing, and how to effectively clean up a royal mess.

I am happy to report there were none of the proverbial "tears over spilled milk" from either of us and we got through this mess building a better bond for me having controlled my temper and my mouth.

As we began school, about a half hour later, I still had a pit in my stomach formed from the heat of anger that was not released (thank goodness) into the air. Shortly after, I came across an article about a breathing technique called the 4-7-8. 4 counts of inhaling, holding it for 7 seconds, and then releasing it, exhaling, for 8 seconds. I did this 5 times, each time concentrating on releasing the knot in my stomach during the exhale and I felt so much better afterward. This technique has been tucked into my repertoire of how to control the flashes of anger, a side-effect from the neurotoxins that live in my brain.

Oddly enough, we are studying fables in reading right now and I am pretty sure we could turn this incident into a fable with a moral. Perhaps, "Think before you speak." or maybe "Think, plan, do instead of do, mess up, clean up."  ;)

Have a very Zen-like Tuesday.

The Expedition- Digital Collage Painting

It pays off to get out of you comfort zone every once in a while.  I've never been a fan of crowds and the hustle and bustle of a city, so the king of all cities, The Big Apple, sends fear into my heart at the mere mention of going there.  So, of course, my teen daughter, who is into television production, live theatre, movies, and all things LA, New York, and Hollywood, choose to go to New York City for her 16th birthday trip.  In lieu of a sweet 16 party, both of my teens opted for going on a trip instead. So, off to NYC we went on Sunday via the train.

We stayed in Times Square and did all things television and theater.  Our first morning there we made it to the front row of the Today Show Plaza and actually were spotted on television for a brief wave to the public.  But the cool part was actually watching how the whole production went down. So many people are involved behind the scenes and the anchors or "talent" as they are called, are pretty clueless about the segments coming up other than a quick briefing right before the segment is about to happen.  The tele-prompters keep them on track with the content and the producer behind the camera keeps them on track with time (soooo funny to watch them get upset when the anchors aren't wrapping it up). Basically, the anchors get paid a LOT of money for reading, smiling, and looking pretty.  Which, they all are, actually...we had a chance to shake Al Roker's hand (boy is he much tinier than I imagined!), and Tamron Hall's hand (she actually had a conversation with my daughter about her birthday and said she was a queen!)  We were greeted in general by Willie Geist, Natalie Morales, and Savannah Guthrie when they waved to the crowd in between segments.  Apparently Matt Lauer was on vacation this week, so we didn't see him (which was fine...I think he is my least favorite of the bunch).  Besides having to stand for 2.5-3 hours, it was a fantastic experience to watch it all behind the scenes.  Check in with Nine Acres Designs on Facebook later today for some screen shots of the broadcast of us on the Today Show (and maybe some other shots from the Today show).

It was a great morning and then afterward we took my daughter to Central Park since she has never been there before.  We walked around in the beautiful weather (80's with almost no humidity) enjoying the sights and sounds.  It really is amazing to see what the natural landscape of the area looked like before they bulldozed it all over to build the city.  A quick rest in the hotel geared us up for dinner at Planet Hollywood where my daughter was overjoyed to see some of the costumes from one of her favorite  movies...The Hunger Games.  After dinner we went to a great Broadway show called 39 Steps...an amazing and hilarious adaptation of a Hitchcock movie.  There were only 4 actors in the entire show that played 101 roles!  Truly amazing.

Riding in New York taxis is a must for any first timer to the city, just for the experience, so we did that several times for my daughter, but honestly, it is pure torture for me filled with anxiety and fear! I thought driving with my teens was terrifying...um, no.  For someone who hates not being in control, the back seat of a NYC taxi is not the place to be!

So glad to be safe and sound home in my rural comfort zone, but so happy to have gone with my dear daughter to experience some of her life's firsts with her!  I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Impression of Sunflower

Digital drawing/painting of a sunflower- iPhone and desktop used for this creation

It's crazy how excited I am becoming about homeschooling.  After months of contemplation about what was best for my kids and for our family as a whole, the decision was finally made several weeks ago to go for it.  Since then my mind has let go of the anxiety of the decision making and my heart has embraced the joy of this journey I am about to take with my kiddos.  Many of you may not know that I actually have a degree in teaching, so this is right up my alley.  My two loves in life are teaching and art.  Now I get to do both while getting to spend time with my little people and get to learn more about them as human beings.  How lucky am I?

I ordered a curriculum that will cover all of the academic subjects for the kids, but this program is a bit weak in the music and art department.  So, I set out to create my own music and art curriculum and I have finished planning my first music unit...Introduction to the Orchestra.  I know less than nothing about music, so this is a learning experience for me as well.  I utilized free materials from my library (which is awesome, by the way)...books, cd's, movies, websites, etc. to complete this unit and I have planned a trip to the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra with the kids so they can see the real artistry in action!  This is so exciting.  I am in heaven!

In addition, we have joined a Homeschool Co-Op and I will be teaching middle and high schoolers photography...studying the science and art of photography as well as studying famous photographers and their work! I am even thinking about having them at the end of the class put on an exhibit! Are you kidding me?  This is my life?  What joy I have in sharing this gift with other homeschool kids!  I finally feel with this decision, everything I've wanted for my kids, my family, and myself is finally falling into place.  Homeschool, teaching, art, photography, music, learning, being with my kids daily...pure bliss.  I. Can. Not. Wait.

Remind me I said that when I am overwhelmed and the kids are on my last nerve.  I might be excited, but I am not naive about how it will be.  I know it won't all be rainbows and unicorns.  But life never is...we will just take it one day at a time and I will keep reminding myself how incredibly blessed I am to have this opportunity.

Now, if my health would just fall in line, life would be pretty darn perfect.  :)

xo

A Letter To My Daughter On Her Sweet Sixteen

*Copyright Dawn Bayer Photography

My Dearest Daughter,

Sixteen years ago you came so gently into this world.  Even in birth you were easy and accommodating. The first time I looked into those big round eyes of yours I could tell you were going to be an old soul. Even in infancy there was a seasoned patience and knowing that you carried in your beautiful eyes. As you've grown into a young woman, those same characteristics, along with your fiery heart, have taken you a long way and have endeared you to many souls. You are a people person without needing to be the center of attention, a voice of reason among extreme attitudes, and a calming force in times of chaos. For all of these reasons I love you with every part of my being.

*Copyright Dawn Bayer Photography

You are the best of me and your father, a perfect blend of goodness. Your drive to make a mark in this world will be fulfilled because you've known from early on you were meant for great things. Your words will one day change this world.  I believe in you and your dreams.  I can't wait to watch your life unfold one success at a time.

*Copyright Dawn Bayer Photography

I love you, my darling girl.  May you always carry my love with you in a pocket deep within your heart. Know how proud I am of you and how much I believe in you.  Change the world, Baby.  I'm waiting here cheering you on!  Happy Sweet Sixteen!  xo

Love,
Mom

*Photography is not my own...portraits were taken by Dawn Bayer Photogrpahy.  Used with permission.

Not All Who Wander (To My Son On His Graduation Day)

My Dearest Son,

On the occasion of a high school graduation most parents have sage advice for their son or daughter. Most can tell you with certainty the correct direction in which to launch yourself into the next phase of being an adult.  I, however, am not one with sage advice.  I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, and find myself sometimes still wandering about aimlessly at times.  But there is one thing I would like to tell you...not so much advice as a mantra that I would like for you to carry with you.  It is this: Not all who wander are lost.  

I want you to know that, son.  I want you to not only hear those words, but internalize them and make them your traveling companion as you walk through the new world of independence waiting for you. I want you to make it the rhythm to which you walk...Not all who wander are lost, Not all who wander are lost, Not all who wander are lost.  I want you to know that it is OK to not have it all figured out.  It is OK to be scared.  It is OK to be confused.  It is OK to walk through the grass or the woods where no one has tread before you.  It is OK to wander because not all who wander are lost.

Go forward boldly but take time to veer off the well-worn path that the masses take because sometimes wandering alone and blazing your own way is where you find yourself, where you come back to the you you were meant to be. It is where you find your internal compass that will lead you in the correct direction. Wandering can teach you lessons that you may not have otherwise learned. Wandering can let you see things that others have not seen, and that, my precious child, is where the beauty lies. You get one life, so live it. Create experiences and fill your heart with gladness.  Always be content with what you have, but never settle for less than you are worth.

I am so very proud of who you are.  You are the best and brightest of me. You have a soul to be proud of, so trust yourself in quiet, still moments and follow your heart.  Be you.  Be the best you.  I love you with every ounce of my being, with every fiber that creates me.  Congratulations on this accomplishment, my son.  Your journey is just beginning and what one hell of a journey it will be.

Love,
Mom

Embrace Your Uniqueness

I want to encourage women to embrace their own uniqueness. Because just like a rose is beautiful, so is a sunflower, so is a peony. I mean, all flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that's like women too.
Miranda Kerr

And here we are at Friday again.  TGIF!  Another busy day filled with real estate shoots, a quick drop in to The Gallery at 122 Main, and then back to my home office to edit!  This evening I am looking forward to seeing Dirty Dancing live at the Hippodrome Theater in Baltimore.  Perhaps I will take along my camera tonight to shoot a bit before the show.  Maybe not...I might have my fill of cameras by the time I head out tonight.  We'll see.

I loved this quote by Miranda Kerr.  Uniqueness...what makes you stand out from others?  What gives you that certain beauty that no one else seems to have?  I believe it is a difficult question for most women to answer because our society has pigeon-holed beauty into such a tiny almost unattainable list of traits that have nothing to do with real women.   I think it is interesting that when women are interviewed about what beauty is, they normally will answer with physical characteristics. When men are interviewed about what makes a woman beautiful, many often give internal traits, character traits, as it were, as an answer.  Women are so worried about their outside appearances to impress men, yet most men are looking for good values in a woman.  That is not to say that we shouldn't take care of ourselves and care nothing about our appearances.  It just means that we as women need to give ourselves a break and teach our girls that the inside is way more beautiful than the outside.

I am working hard with my two girls to make them see that clothes, make-up, and physical characteristics don't make a woman beautiful.  It is the inner qualities that shine through that make a woman glow and attract others to be in her company.  It is not an easy battle to fight with all the media bombardment they get from society, but it is a worthwhile fight that begins with me.  I had to change how I saw myself before I could teach my girls to judge themselves by their insides, not their outsides.

For this piece, I was first inspired by the above quote and then I found this vintage photograph to begin working with.  

Next, I colorized her arms and hair in photoshop.  Then I took an image of the flower and merged the two into a collage, painting and merging her body into the shape of the flower.  I didn't like the image quality of the face in this original photo, so I found another vintage photo of a woman that had better image quality and used that to paint the features onto the our flower woman's face.  Once I had everything the way I wanted it, I imported the flattened file into Painter and used oil brushes to paint the overall image.  Back in Photoshop, I then layered the painted file with several textures to create the crackled, texturized image in the background.  I also cloned the middle of the flower and replaced the stars in her headband with the center of the flower since it felt a little Wonder Woman to me with stars.  Next, I tweaked colors, shading, and levels and then it was complete.  I hope you all like it!  

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

The Information Age

"The stone age was marked by man's clever use of crude tools; the information age, to date, has been marked by man's crude use of clever tools."

~Anonymous

As I was reading the memoir If You Find This Letter, I began thinking about my teenagers when I came to the following passage referring to receiving and sending hand written letters in the mail:

"Your generation is never going to have that," the professor said to us, scanning the room.  I remember her saying that more than anything else. 

Her words fell flat into a room full of millennials who were texting their friends beneath their desks. It wasn't a question.  It was a statement.  She was right.  It was nearly impossible to even think of sitting down and writing someone a letter.  It was incredibly intimidating to think of what I would say to someone without the filter of a 140-character limit.  But I never thought it meant we actually would miss something.

If You Find This Letter
page 96

 It made me sad to think that my kids will never experience the romanticism of sitting down and writing a letter, thinking about a person with each swoop of the pen, all the way through from the first well formed letter to the last period.  They will probably never know the satisfaction one feels pouring out your heart, your worries, your fears, your joys onto a piece of paper that you then send to a loved one who will hold that same piece of paper in their hands and hear your voice as they read and reread the letter over again.  

Unless, of course, I teach them that pleasure.  I wonder if it is too late to instill in them the importance of intimate communication instead of the type of communication that only requires 140 forty characters or less and pre-made emoticons?  Truly, think about how limiting that is...that teens now days are communicating with a given set of limited emoticons instead of using their minds to formulate words to convey meaning of an infinite amount of emotions.  Sad, limiting, and worrisome. 

I think I might just start a letter writing campaign myself, but instead of strangers, I will write my thoughts and feelings out on beautiful stationary to my children.  I want to leave a legacy for them, not just texts and emails that can be easily deleted.  I will start by rewriting my letter to my son that I have on the blog, but instead write it in my own handwriting on gorgeous stationary.  I think there is a connection one can feel to another by seeing the intricacies of their handwriting scratched onto a piece of stationary that can not be achieved by the typed word on a screen.

So, there it is.  Love letters to my children...a new tradition I plan on starting immediately.  I want them to feel my love as they hold the letter in their hands the same way I feel connected to my ancestors as I hold and read letters they have written to members of my family in a era long passed. There is so much that is great about the information age, but nothing can replace a handwritten love letter.

Have a wonderful day.

A Letter to My Son on the Occasion of His 18th Birthday

*Images were taken by Dawn Bayer

My Dearest Son,

How does a mother express the amazement of watching her first born grow over the course of 18 years into a young man the caliber of which I could never have even dared dream?  I wish I were a poet and could capture with words the pride and joy that you have brought me all these years.  I remember holding you that first day 18 years ago and thinking about what type of person you would grow into and finding that I could not even imagine you past kindergarten.  It seemed as if it would be a lifetime before I would have to consider our relationship as two adults rather than a mother and child.  And yet, here I am, seemingly overnight, considering this on your 18th birthday.  It truly is mind blowing.

Your birthdays have always been a special occasion, however, this one is hitting me in a way that I did not expect.  I am rather emotional today as I realize that you are now considered, in the eyes of the law, an adult and that soon you will be spreading your wings and soaring in your own independent life, not needing me in the same capacity as your mom.  How do I let go after all these years of holding you so close, guiding you, and protecting you from the world?  I don't have that answer just yet and I will ask for your grace and patience as I figure out how to push you into the world and yet still steer you through life's rough patches.

Dad, all three of your siblings, your grandparents, aunts and uncles, and I are so very proud of you. You have a sensitive, caring heart paired with a good sense of right and wrong which will take you far in this world.  You are smart, you have a good work ethic, and you strive for responsibility and independence.  What amazing qualities to have in a son, brother, grandson, and nephew.  You've made it through some tough teen years making sound life decisions aided by your strong sense of self.  I know you will continue your journey confidently, making you a successful, loving man who has a lot to share with the world.

I am excited to watch your journey and to continue to cheer you on, support your dreams, and love you as only a parent can.  Happy Birthday, Son.  You and your brother and sisters are my greatest gift, my ultimate prize, my heart.  I love you dearly...have a wonderful birthday!

Love,
Mom

Replacing Negative with Positive

Taken and edited with iPhone 5s except the watermark

Do you have a tape inside your head that is set to repeat over and over again?  If so, what does it tell you?  I thought about this concept as I was driving to and from my real estate shoot yesterday.  I am very guilty of having negative self talk and as I get older, it is more and more apparent to me how damaging it can be.  Think about it...if you keep telling yourself you aren't good enough (or thin enough, or smart enough, etc.) over and over you are eventually going to believe it.  And then...and then it takes so, so long to undo the damage, to unhear those negative thoughts and instead replace them with the self love.

I have struggled with negative self talk for a long, long time.  I am more aware of it now that I am an older adult, but the damage has been done and it has taken a long journey for me to get better and substitute a better soundtrack into my head and life.  It took some counseling and some deep self reflection to overcome many of the teen issues I had as a result of having false beliefs about myself. Some of those thoughts were self inflicted, but some were from harsh words of adults in my life.

The reason I began thinking about all of this is because I have two teens right now.  I often wonder what the tapes inside their minds are telling them.  I hope, as a mother, I can be a positive influence in making them understand that they are humans who are growing and learning and to give themselves a break.  They are perfect beings created by God (they are not perfect in the sense they don't make mistakes, but in the sense that God doesn't create mistakes and they are created in his perfect image).  I hope that they can strike a balance of humility and self love as they develop into adults so they can avoid the struggles and mistakes I've made as an adult.

Ah, the joy of having kids and worrying about them.  I wouldn't change it for the world.  I love those 4 kids with all my being.  I just hope I am a good enough mother to release them into the world with a strong sense of self, family, and community.


I am playing along with Weekly Top Shot over at Madge's Place!  Click through to see other players!

The Random Encounter That Wasn't

Maryland Song Sparrow

Yesterday started out horribly.  It was one of those days where you really wished you had a re-do button.  You know the kind of day...as soon as your feet hit the ground from bed in the morning Murphy's Law kicks in, the kids get riled up and make bad choices, nothing goes right.  Heck, it even seems like the pets got in on the act and were not themselves.  I was grumpy, the kids were grumpy, the whole world just seemed off kilter.  Running errands with the kids, who were home from school due to ice, was the last thing I felt like doing, but it had to be tackled...so off we went.

*pause in my story for a not-so-random-thought*

It is interesting and fascinating to me how God knows me so clearly and knows what I need and when I need it even when I don't know myself.  His timing is always perfect and as I am getting older and since my illness, I have settled in to giving my will over to His and trusting that He has a plan for me and my life, even if I can't see it.  This giving control over to my Creator has not been an easy process for me as I am/was a control freak in every aspect of my life.  But that is a post for another day.

Back to yesterday...as I was grocery shopping with the kids yesterday, still seething with anger at them for grossly misbehaving earlier that morning,  a pop song came on over the store's sound system.  To keep my 7 year old twins occupied during our long shopping trip, my 15 year old daughter began to sing quietly and dance not-so-quietly to the beat.  I love how my teen daughter is so sure of herself and uninhibited even at this very awkward time of life.  Anyway, the twins saw her and joined in joyfully dancing along the aisles and smiling their fool heads off.  Their mood changed immediately and the air seemed to lighten all around me.  Soon I joined in and danced along pushing the cart and I am sure all 4 of us looked like fools acting like we had some semblance of rhythm.

As we came around the corner of the aisle, a woman walked by and caught us dancing.  She smiled a huge welcoming smile and said, "Well, aren't you all just having fun?"  It caught me off guard because not 30 seconds before, we were all grumpy and miserable.  It was true, though, in that moment yes, we were all having fun!

Later, we were at the self check out, I was scanning the groceries, my oldest daughter was bagging, and the twins were being quiet and good watching the packages cruise down the conveyer belt.  I was engrossed in my job of scanning when I heard from the next aisle over a woman's voice.   It was not the woman who had commented on our dancing earlier, it was someone different.

"Excuse me, Ma'am?"
"Yes?" I replied.
"I just wanted to tell you that you have an absolutely beautiful family."

Wow.
Just wow.
Her words hit me hard.
I realized that my anger from the morning had ruined my whole day up until that point and in that very second, her words brought me back to what is really important...my family and how beautiful they are.  Yes, the kids misbehave.  Yes, they make bad choices.  Yes, I get angry.  But through it all they are beautiful and I am so blessed to have 4 amazing children.

"Well, thank you!" I replied.  I smiled.  "I really needed to hear that today."
"I know." she stated.  Then she smiled, grabbed her groceries and left the store.

Huh, I thought.  That was a random encounter.  How did she know I needed to hear that today?

Perhaps it wasn't a random encounter after all.  Perhaps both the woman who said we looked happy and this woman were not coincidences.  Perhaps God knew I needed to refocus my brain and get rid of my anger and had sent them to me for just that purpose...to dissipate my anger and refocus on the beauty that was right there before me.

Thank you, God, for knowing me so well and knowing what I need before I do.  You truly are amazing.

Innocence

I had one of those moments of clarity today while I was reading with my first grader.  He decided to read a short biography about Martin King Luther Jr., which ended up being very appropriate considering today is MLK Jr's actual birthday and the nation will celebrate his birthday on Monday.  Anyway, my 7 year old was reading about what life was like for black people in Martin's day and my son was appalled.  He couldn't believe they had separate schools for whites and blacks.  He couldn't believe that blacks had to give up their seats on the bus for whites.  He couldn't believe blacks had to wait at the back of the line and allow whites to be served first.

He shook his head, looked at me and said, "Well, that's not fair."

So simple.

Then he said, "Well, what if a white boy and a black boy wanted to be best friends...they couldn't because they couldn't go to the same school.  I don't understand."

My moment of clarity came when I thought about how innocent youth is.  When thinking of his open heart and unprejudiced mind, I remembered that the Bible tells us a little something about being more like a child...

Luke 18:17 says "Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”

Matthew 18:3 says “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

and Matthew 19:14 says "But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”

I thought these verses meant that we should have blind, unquestioning faith just as a child does.  But today I realized that instead, perhaps it simply means that in order to be more God-like we need to strive to have the innocence and open heart of a child.  Kindness, tolerance, an open heart and mind...that, my dear son, is what you taught me today, and you didn't even know it...from now on I will strive to see the world more like you.