Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Falling Into Myself- A Self Portrait on My 44th Birthday

Well, hello 44. Today is my 44th birthday...pretty unbelievable that in one short year I will be half way to 90. Only 4 short years ago I was only half way to 80. Crazy, right? Very strange to realize that you've probably lived 50% of your life or more already. Some days I still feel like I'm 18 and others, well, I feel like I'm on my deathbed already.

I wanted to wake up joyful and full of thanks this morning. I wanted to feel celebratory and full of life, but it just didn't happen. Today is hard for me, I'm not going to lie. It's hard because I particularly miss my father today. I remember my parents would call me every birthday, each taking a turn on the phone to say their well wishes and the fact that I won't hear his voice today stings.

On top of that, I haven't mentioned (mostly because I wasn't ready to), that I am back in treatment for Lyme and co-infections. Back on antibiotics and anti-parasitic medicine. I've had confirmation from two different doctors that I have been reinfected somehow although I don't recall this tick bite. I'm not sure if it is a reinfection or if it persister cells flaring up again and reproducing. Either way the treatment is the same. Ugh. Not where I thought I'd be 2 years into treatment. So, physically I've been losing weight again, feeling nauseous, and just plain sick. Today is no different despite the calendar declaring it is my birthday.

It's a grey day, not very full of sunshine, so I will have to make my own today. I am looking forward to getting my hair cut and colored (my youngest daughter tells me all the time that I am not old because I don't have gray hair, lol). Tonight I hope to spend some time with my family in a quiet evening at home.

Hope you all are successful in making your own sunshine today! I know I will be working on it.
Have a beautiful day, y'all.


**A note about today's self portrait...just a little tidbit I thought you might find interesting...This was made from a picture of me, obviously, but then using apps on my phone, I fractured the image and created the falling in effect. Then, in photoshop on the computer I added the textures, the map, and the blueprint of my office/studio/homeschool space in the upper right hand corner. As I am typing this, that is where I am sitting...in my office, one of my favorite places in my home. xo

1 comment:

  1. That sucks about the reoccurrence. Sometimes I think we are given way more than we can bear, and not being a patient person I wonder when will it ever end! At 48, I am almost halfway to 100, YIKES! Keep coloring that gray, I plan to. Happy Birthday!


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