Friday, June 9, 2017

A Letter to My Father on the 3rd Anniversary of His Death

Bridge Over Troubled Waters- Digital Art by Tracey Grumbach

Dear Dad,
It's been three years since you've left us here on earth. 1,095 days of missing you. 26,280 hours of wanting to hear your voice just one more time. 1,576,800 minutes of navigating this life without your guidance.  I don't cry very often anymore like I did when you first went to heaven. But this morning, while I sit alone in my room thinking about the significance of this date, I let the tears stream down my face, I let the knot form in my throat, I let the nausea overcome me and I allow myself to feel the full impact of your loss. I weep. I weep because I miss you. I weep because Mom is alone without you. I weep because my kids wish for their grandfather's love.

Do you know how many times I wanted to reach for the phone to call you and hear your voice; to tell you what is happening in our lives; to ask for your sound advice on millions of things? Do you know how many holidays, vacations, birthdays, graduations, and other events felt empty because your booming presence wasn't with us? We may not say it aloud very often, but every one of us is thinking, "I wish Dad (PopPop) was here to see this." 

Pop, you are missed more than you ever can imagine. They say time heals all wounds, but I don't agree. There are some wounds that are just too deep to ever really heal. They may scab over but the scars never leave us. And to be honest, I prefer it that way. Somehow the hurt that lingers helps me remember the impact you had in my life. You weren't the perfect father and I wasn't the perfect daughter, but it didn't matter. What mattered was the love you never ever stopped showing me and for that I will forever be grateful.

Keep looking down on us, Dad. I will continue to lift my face to the heavens searching for you.

I love you,

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