47/365- The People Said, A Weed

“Once in a golden hour
I cast to earth a seed.
Up there came a flower,
The people said, a weed.”

―Alfred Tennyson

9/365- Among the Queen Anne's Lace

Meet me at Midnight,
Among the Queen Anne's Lace
Midnight is not a moment,
Midnight is a place—

― Joan Aiken, Midnight is a Place  

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Brenna is due to fly home today. Please pray for her safety as she navigates the packed roads, a connecting flight, and the chaos of an impending hurricane on her own. Thank you in advance.

Until tomorrow...

xo
 

1/365- Time's Relentless Melt

Time's Relentless Melt- Digital Art by Tracey Grumbach

Precisely by slicing out this moment and freezing it, all photographs testify to time’s relentless melt.
-Susan Sontag 



After thinking about it a lot lately, I have decided to change the format of this blog for a year. Starting today I am beginning a 365 Project where, for one entire year, I will post either a piece of art or a photograph paired with a quote every single day. I tried this back in 2010 and I only made it through 3/4 of the year. This year I want to make it all the way through.  While I will be occasionally sharing information about art shows, upcoming events, speaking engagements, or workshops, I am focusing on pairing two of my favorite things...quotes and art. After the year is over, who knows what I will get into, but for now, I am looking forward to this challenge and this journey! I hope you enjoy the ride along with me.

Until tomorrow...

xo

Canterbury Bell- Portrait of a Flower Series

Canterbury Bell- digital art by Tracey Grumbach

The other day, while waiting for my flight out of Orlando, I was reading a magazine and came across this quote, "The ordinary arts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest."  -Thomas Moore

I never thought about it prior to that moment, but I think he is right. The rituals I perform every day in my home such as cooking for my family,  folding laundry, vacuuming, etc. while sometimes tedious, are soothing to my soul. If I change my perspective from those things being a chore to those things being a blessing (I have food, clothing, a house, kids, a husband in my life to care for), it becomes an act of love to perform these duties instead of being a mundane task. This is no more evident than when I am away from home, living in a hotel for a week or more. Yes, it is nice not to have to do those things, but after a while, I miss it. I miss taking care of my family. I miss the smell of warm laundry coming out of the dryer. I miss putting the clean, shiny dinner dishes away. I miss making my bed. I miss creating a nice dinner for my family. There is nothing like stepping out of a routine for a while to help make me appreciate that exact routine I was yearning to step away from.

What chores, tasks, or routines can you change your perspective about and see them as an act of soul enriching love instead of a boring job?

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This beautiful purple flower is a Canterbury Bell. It is one of my favorite flowers and I was so excited a while back when I found one in a mixed bouquet I purchased. I didn't want an ordinary picture of it focusing straight into the bell, so I flipped it upside down on a black granite tile to show off the beautiful "flip" of the petals, the gorgeous structure of the cap, and a wonderful reflection. After I photographed it I took it into some painting apps and programs and digitally painted over the original photo. I hope you like this newest addition to the Portrait of a Flower Series. The entire series has been a thrill for me because I am learning more and more about shadowing and highlights in my paintings. I've come a long way since the day of my flat, cut-and-paste look I did a few years back. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. The weather here is supposed to be gorgeous and I am looking forward to it after the heat and humidity of Florida in August! Less than two weeks now and the little ones will return to public school. I am both excited and sad for this transition, but I know in the long run it will be good for all of us.

xo

Sunflower In Its Last Day- Portrait of a Flower Series

Digital Art by Harford County Artist Tracey Grumbach

Sorry for not posting yesterday...my intention was to write a post after dropping Brian and the kids off to go to Universal Island of Adventure. However, after dropping them off I decided to explore Winter Park a bit on my own. I decided to visit the Meade Botanical Gardens and stroll slowly in the shade for some "me" time. I had a wonderful time but I realized I didn't choose the best footwear when I came across a sign warning visitors about alligators and venomous snakes. Oh, and the marshy ground was like quicksand. I had a difficult time keeping my flip flops on my feet and not being sucked into the muddy marsh. I saw several abandoned flip flops along my walk and totally understood how that could happen. Luckily, I didn't lose mine, but it was a struggle. Also luckily I didn't come into contact with any alligators or venomous snakes. I did, however, come across some creepy spiders that had spikes on their backs and some monstrous grasshoppers that looked like miniature dinosaurs. Ick. It was pure heaven strolling alone and not having the kids ask me 1, 428 questions about everything. Just me and my thoughts (and my paranoia about alligators and snakes eating me.)

After getting dripping wet full of sweat, I decided it was time to leave. Instead of going back to the hotel, I decided to stop in to see what the Morse Museum was all about.  Well, what a place, let me tell you! It has the largest collection of works by Louis Comfort Tiffany. It is a fabulous museum and I was practically the only person in there at the time. I had all the security officers at my disposal to answer questions and give me more information. I had a fabulous time exploring all the art. The chapel was breathtaking! If you are ever in the area, you must stop in and check it out.

Today is Brian and the twins' last day here in Florida. They will head home in the morning. So, we will be spending another family day exploring all that Winter Park has to offer. I am staying until Wednesday so I can attend the parent orientation at Full Sail and make sure Brenna is all set to start school on the 28th. She has mandatory orientation for the full week starting Monday so I will have a bit of time on my hands to explore more if I choose.

I hope all is well with you all! I will be posting on Monday so I will see you then. Have a fabulous weekend!

xo

When Your Child Leaves for College for the First Time

Yellow Spider Chrysanthemum by Harford County Digital Artist Tracey Grumbach
Part of the Portrait of a Flower Series

 I opened my eyes in the dim morning light, filtered by the clouds of a rainy day. The house felt so quiet and empty. So still. My first thought was, she is gone. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach and a physical, not theoretical, ache in my heart. The thing all parents wish for, to raise children capable of living a healthy, productive, meaningful, independent life was coming true after 18 years of raising her to be the person she is today. And yet that didn't help the terrible empty feeling in the house she left behind when she packed up her room and embarked on a journey of a lifetime.

I am so incredibly proud of her. She is taking a leap of faith despite being unsure. She is being brave despite being frightened. She is letting go when all she wants to do is cling to what she knows. She is ready. We are ready. Being ready doesn't mean she won't hurt and we won't miss her. Those feelings aren't bad feelings. Those feelings are a testament to our close relationship with our children. They are proof that we invested our time, energy, and heart into raising her. These feelings will ease with time and a new normal will eventually just become normal. I will take my own advice that I gave to Brenna...it is OK to feel these strong feelings. You will miss home. You will miss us. Feel those feelings in their full force because without them, happiness and comfort have no definition. So, I will feel these strong feelings and welcome them. They are a sign I am moving into the next phase of life, and that is OK. I am OK. She is OK. We are all OK.

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Continuing my series, Portrait of a Flower, this yellow spider chrysanthemum tells us the days of fall are creeping ever nearer. I simply can not believe how quickly the summer has gone. I knew this summer would be fast because of all the preparation and anticipation of Brenna leaving for college and getting Tyler ready to leave for his school in October, but it has just disappeared. The weather the last week has even felt more fall like. I am sure the summer heat will pop back in soon, as it always seems to do in the beginning of fall in Maryland. In the meantime, I will embrace the coming changing of seasons just as I will embrace the changing of seasons my life right now...with awe, and wonder, and thankfulness that I am here to experience it.

May you have a wonderful Monday!
xo

Smile Because It Happened- Flower Portraits by Tracey Grumbach

Harford County Artist Tracey Grumbach

Imagine learning one day that you are not who you were told you were for 50 years. You always felt like you were not that person and didn't fit in, but didn't know why. Imagine waking up one day and not knowing your name, your birthday, who your parents were, or any familial medical history.  That is exactly what happened to Paul Joseph Fronczak, or Jack Rosenthal, as he later learned was his birth name.  In his memoir, The Foundling, Paul writes about his connection (or lack of connection) with the famous story of the newborn kidnapping in a Chicago hospital back in 1964.

Because a friend of mine, Allison Demski, was one of the genetic genealogists that worked on and helped crack his case, I was able to chat online with the author, Paul, last night. Allison lead a group of us in a book club for The Foundling and she was gracious enough to set up a meeting with Paul in a private Facebook chat room and Paul was gracious enough to join us. He was so very open with all of our questions and very honest and forthcoming about where he is in his investigation and his relationships with those in his life. (I'm trying to be general here as I don't want to spoil the memoir for those who plan to read it.)

My question was in relation to his feelings about being adopted since I am the adoptive mother of twins. I asked, "What advice would you give to an adoptive mom to help reduce the risk of severe identity struggles in adopted children?" His answer was that most, if not all adoptive children will feel some sort of void in their lives in regards to their biological family. He suggested that adoptive parents should allow the children to be who they truly are and to be supportive and loving if the adopted children should ever want or need to seek out their biological family. He assured me that it is not a personal attack or an attempt to replace the adopted parents. It is instead, a deep seeded, primal instinct to know where you come from.

I appreciated his advice and was glad to hear he thought we were doing a good job with how we choose to handle the adoption with our twins. (We went on to have a longer discussion on this topic). Brian and I attempt to keep open communication between us and the biological parents through email and pictures. We have a strong, close connection to the other adoptive families of the twins' biological siblings. We answer any questions the twins have about their birth family as honestly and openly as we can. And we plan on helping them, if they choose when they are adults, to seek out and meet with their biological parents. I have never and don't forsee myself ever feeling like they are trying to replace us just because they are curious about their origin.

I know trying to handle the adoption with delicacy won't take away the twins feeling a void where their biological family should be. I do hope, however, that it lessens it. I hope it takes away the mystery of it. I hope it takes away some of the sting of it. I hope it takes the adoption from something that they might be ashamed of to something they want to celebrate (and we do every year on the adoption date).


What a blessing to have Paul's perspective as a 50-something-year-old adoptee to help guide others along in this journey of life. According to Paul, he is working on a second book with updates about all that has happened since the first book ended. I know I will be buying it!

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Tonight is the last night Brenna will be sleeping here under our roof for quite some time. She is off to Florida in the early morning hours tomorrow. Right now I am holding up emotionally, but that may change at any second, LOL. Please say a couple of prayers for a safe journey for her and Brian, who are driving to Florida with a trailer in tow, and for the twins and me for a safe flight on Sunday. We would also appreciate prayers for us and her as we adjust to our new normal of having her live so far away. Thank you in advance. I will be trying to either schedule posts or write posts while in Florida, so be sure to check the blog on Monday.

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This digital art piece is another in the Portrait of a Flower series. This image was created with an iPhone 6S Plus. I used a white rose inside a soft box with side lighting. 

Have a great weekend!

xo

Love is So Short; Forgetting is So Long- Artisit Tracey Grumbach

Digital Art by Harford County Artist Tracey Grumbach

Below is an expert from Tonight I Can Write the Saddest Lines by Pablo Neruda that I felt drawn to when finished this digital painting last night.

"...Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her. "

 

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Yesterday I grabbed my grandmother's antique medicine bottle, a dying sunflower, my tabletop soft box, and my camera and had a little photo shoot. I was moved by just how beautiful the flower was even in the moment before losing its last few petals. This is another in the digital art series Portrait of a Flower I have been doing lately. I hope you like it.

Last night my husband and I were talking about how quickly our entire world is changing. He recently went through a career transition which caused us to change all of our medical, dental, vision, and pharmacy insurance coverage. He is still in the process of transition, which even if it is a good change, is still change. Then, in just 8 days Brenna leaves for college. This is the first time we will have to deal with a child leaving home. Packing her room and preparing her for a life on her own has been a very emotional process for me. Next, in October, my son is set to leave home. We are in the midst of getting him prepared to go to technical school in Pennsylvania to become a master technician. If all goes well, my household of 6 will suddenly be a household of 4. In addition, we are transitioning the twins from homeschooling back to public school. Basically, all of our children are in upheaval right now and it is difficult and unsettling for me. I am happy and excited for them all, but it feels like a lot of change to handle in such a short time.

But somehow, when I am being creative...creating photographs or digital art, I become so mindful and all the worry just disappears. It is a craving, a need, a itch that needs to be scratched. If I don't have enough creative time, I feel like I am suffocating. People ask me how I stay motivated and disciplined with being creative each day. My answer always is, "I don't have to stay motivated. It literally is a need and if I miss being creative for a few days I feel like I will go insane." I am so thankful to have art to distract me from all the changes happening right now.

I hope you all have a wonderful Friday and a fabulous weekend! We have some fun things planned with the family since this is Brenna's last weekend home. We are hoping to squeeze in as much family time as possible! Don't forget to cruise out to Havre de Grace tonight for First Friday! It is always such a festive atmosphere and oh-so-much-fun. I will be working at Arts By the Bay Gallery tonight from 6PM to 9PM, so stop in and say hello! Hope to see you there.

xo

Memory, In Widow's Weeds 2- Digital Art Series by Tracey Grumbach

Portrait of a Flower Series- Digital Art by Tracey Grumbach

This is the second image in a series study I did of Queen Anne's Lace.  I actually like this one a bit better than the first one I did. I have a few more coming down the pike as well. I've really enjoyed doing a study of a single flower. I might have to do that more often. Did you all know that Queen Anne's Lace is actually in the same family as the carrot? I had no idea it had an edible root until I started doing a bit of research. Fascinating, I tell you!

I am heading in for blood work again today to check on the status of my liver. Prayers for good news would be very much appreciated.

Have a wonderful Thursday.

xo

Laveder-Digital Painting by Tracey Grumbach

Lavender-Portrait of a Flower Series-Artist Tracey Grumbach

I created this simply because I needed joy. Lavender, my most favorite plant on earth, brings me joy in more ways than one. I simply love the color and the delicate flowers. I love the way it smells. Actually, it is my favorite smell in the world. I diffuse the essential oil throughout the house frequently and also dab it on diffuser necklaces and bracelets I wear. If I could fill my house and yard with lavender, I would. One day I would like to have a whole garden bed just for this plant. I'd harvest the flowers and create beautiful satchels filled with dried flowers to add to each of the drawers in my dresser.

Monday, when Brenna, the twins and I went to Longwood Gardens, we stopped in the gift shop on the way out. When I saw they were selling lavender plants, I had to have one. With all of the difficult news we have absorbed this week I just wanted something in the house to make me smile and remember my blessings. So, I bought it, brought it home, put it in the sunniest window I have, and to remind me of its beauty even when it has faded into the darkness of winter, I digitally painted it. I knew I wanted to use a touch of robin's egg blue in the background because it is my favorite color along with lavender. So, that is what I did. I think I will make two prints of this...one for me and one to sell. I am emotionally attached to it. It reminds me that no matter how ugly the world gets, beauty is just a glance away. 

Today will be a very difficult day. Our family will be joining the rest of the community in gathering together and saying goodbye to a dear friend lost. It is a stark reminder that bad things happen to good people, life is way too short, and we are never promised tomorrow. Please send love and prayers to a grieving family and a grieving community today as we all celebrate a young life lived beautifully.

Just a quick reminder that I will be working at Arts By the Bay Gallery today from 11AM-3PM if anyone would like to stop in and chat art or Lyme. I'd love to see you. Have a wonderful day and remember to hug all your loved ones tight.  See you back here on Monday.

xo

Memory, In Widow's Weeds 1- Portrait of a Flower

Memory In Widow's Weeds 1- Digital Art by Tracey Grumbach

Memory, in widow's weeds, with naked feet stands on a tombstone.

-Aubrey de Vere

I went for a walk the other morning and along the path I found quite a few Queen Anne's Lace plants blooming. They were so beautiful standing there, wild and carefree and intricately beautiful. They were growing in a large field full of unmowed grass and I knew I had to have a few. I pulled a couple and took them home, placed them in a small vase and admired the incredible details of the umbel. I knew I had to photograph its beauty, so I did a study of about 5 photos, all very different from each other.  I am looking forward to sharing them with you here.

After the heart wrenching events of the past few days it almost feels silly to share the news that my work has been chosen to appear on the cover of an upcoming issue of Harford's Heart magazine. I received the call on Friday and was honored and thrilled because not only does "Harford County's Favorite Little Magazine" have a wide local circulation, but they are historically supportive of the arts community here in Harford County, Maryland. The art director contacted me to tell me my work was selected and also told me they would like to include an interview with my pieces of art. They will be having a writer contact me soon to conduct the interview. The editor was interested in how Lyme Disease has influenced my art through the years. I am thrilled to have yet another outlet to get the word out both about my art and also how serious Lyme Disease can be. These opportunities are precious to me and I receive them with amazing amounts of gratitude. The issue will be released in the fall. More details to come!

Please hug your loved ones today and be grateful for all your blessings. As always, thank you for your continuing support and encouragement!

xo

Single White Rose- Digital Art by Tracey Grumbach

Out of all the flower and still life shots I took the other day using my tabletop soft box, this one is my favorite. I used a single LED light that came with my soft-box setup to create directional lighting and beautiful shadowing on the rose and the bottle. Then, I took a picture using my iPhone 6S Plus (I didn't have enough energy to climb my studio stairs and work with with my Canon 5D Mark III) and edited it in various apps including Brushstroke, Image Blender, Snapseed.  Next, I beamed it over to my iMac using PhotoSync to tweak it in Photoshop CC. I love the shadows and light and also the painterly quality of the texture. I hope you like it too.

Yesterday was a huge turning point for me as a mom getting ready to send my daughter off to college. While we were sitting as a family at dinner, my husband announced that Brenna, my oldest daughter, now has an address for her home away from home. The apartment complex where my daughter will be living has identified the specific apartment she will get and sent us all the information as well as the lease. I know it sounds weird, adding her Winter Park, FL address into her contact in my iPhone made her move feel so close and so official. It was another level of reckoning in my preparation of watching her spread her wings.

In addition, Brenna and I did a big burst of online shopping together to pick out some essentials she will be needing to furnish her apartment! On the top priority list was bedding, lamps (there is no lighting in the apartment except the bathroom), shower curtain, and a cover for the used couch that was given to her by a neighbor. She has collected a lot of free hand-me-down furniture for the kitchen and living room and we are transporting her own bedroom furniture when we move her. Family and friends have given her some other essentials like bath towels, kitchen utensils and towels, silverware, dishes, etc. I think she is pretty close to being prepared to leave. We are just about 6 weeks away! Crazy. It is a lot for this Mamma's heart to contend with but I am so thrilled for her. Fly, baby girl, fly!

Remember when I told you yesterday that I was signing up for a class to learn how to video, market, and run online art classes? Well, while I was on the website to sign up for that, I came across another fantastic class called "Figurescapes." It is a digital art class that combines abstract iPad drawings of the human form with digital elements to create a final figurative piece. Since I am always on the lookout to expand my knowledge and art repertoire, I signed up for that class too! I am so stinking excited. The good news is that both classes are self-paced and I have access to the lessons online for a lifetime...there is no need for me to feel pressured or stressed about finishing at a certain time. It is perfect for me right now...I can do bits and pieces as I feel up to it and not worry about losing my money if I don't feel well enough for a few days.

Last, today I am humbly requesting prayers today, specifically that my white blood cell count may be high enough to perform the blood test that I desperately need. Last week the lab called my doctor to report my white blood count was too critically low to even perform the test, so after a week of immune boosting medicine, I am hoping today my white blood count cooperates. Thank you!

Have an amazing Thursday...Friday is in sight! xo

Chamomile

According to many of the flower meaning websites out there chamomile represents patience and it also attracts wealth. I think that is a worthy flower to keep around! About a week ago I had to make a stop at Wegman's market and I treated myself to a farmer's bouquet. All week I had planned on photographing it until life happened and all the flowers began to die. That is except, of course, this lone chamomile flower and the beautiful greenery that was with it. So, I decided to go with the shoot anyway, preserving the beauty of this delicate, tiny flower.  One of my passions, now that I can't get out very much, is using my tabletop soft box to do portraits of flowers. They are just so much fun to work with.

Now that the kids are going back to school in September, I have been getting more and more excited about all the free time I will have to focus on art. I am planning on taking some art classes as well as teach digital art classes. It is funny how the universe works...I just put out there to my husband the other day that I need to figure out how to video tape myself doing the editing process on my iOS devices and on Photoshop so I can do online classes. Well, what should appear in my inbox from another artist (who does online classes)?  That's right, a class about how to record, teach, and market online art classes. Bingo! So, I am signing up for that class and will be working through it this summer from my home. Then, in the fall, I will be searching local colleges to start some hands-on art classes. I am looking for one in particular for art journaling,  mixed media, or collage. I'd consider taking a beginning painting class too. I am so excited to have 6 hours a day to dedicate to resting or art when the fall comes. After two full years of 24/7 with my little ones, it will be a welcome time to focus on healing myself and expressing myself. I think I will be a better person, wife, and mother, and friend for it.

Speaking of painting classes, I am taking Zach and Natalie to their first canvas art class today. I will post pictures to my FB when they finish the project today. I will enjoy watching them and learning from the instructor as well! They are super excited about it. They have 4 classes this summer with 4 different canvases they will paint. Good times.

Just a side note, I've added a section to the blog menu called The Mighty. On that page is a link to my The Mighty author's page where you can find a link to all of my written articles about Lyme Disease and Chronic Illness. So far I am honored to have three published! Two of them were previously published here on the blog but the third one I wrote specifically for The Mighty, so if you'd like to read my latest article, Why Hugging You Is Not Good For My Health, please click through. If you like it and find the article useful, would you please consider clicking the heart on that page or using the social media icons to share it? Thanks! The more I use my voice to help others understand chronic illness or make others feel they are not alone in walking through this, the better!

Be sure to tune in tomorrow to see my favorite flower portrait I took yesterday...a white rose. 

Have a beautiful Wednesday!

xo

Hibiscus Emerging- Portrait of a Flower

For man, as for flower and beast and bird, 

the supreme triumph is to be most vividly, most perfectly alive.

~D.H. Lawrence

I am still collecting donations throughout the month of May and donating a portion of the profit from the sale of my art in the month of May to NatCapLyme.org- an organization that helps with research, education, legislation, and support for those suffering and treating Lyme Disease. If you would like to help people like me and so many others who suffer daily from this disease, please visit Arts By the Bay Gallery in Havre de Grace where there are donation boxes until May 31. If you can't make it out to the gallery, please consider donating online using the following instructions.

1.  Go to NatCapLyme.org's donation page.
2.  Click on Fundraising Event in the tab section.
3.  In the Select Event for Fundraising dropdown menu choose the bottom one...Arts By the Bay Gallery Ticked Off Lyme Disease Awareness Event.
4.  Fill out the rest of the form and submit!