Inked

Today I am thankful for becoming more adept at recognizing my own prejudices 

and assumptions about people.

For example, when I saw this man at a race, I felt myself immediately 

get tense and begin to judge him as a mean, scary person.

Why?

I don't know him from anyone else and yet

I could feel my stomach clench and my eyes divert

(prior to taking the picture, of course),

not wanting to make eye contact with him.

And then I stopped myself and thought.

Why am I feeling this way?

I took a look at his shaved head, his tattoos, 

his baggy jeans, and his five o'clock shadow

and assumed he must be harsh and mean.

Was that fair?

No.

Was it necessarily true?

No.

The other day I read a friend's status update on Facebook

and it described a sad interaction with another mom.

My friend, we will call her C, has tattoos and (perhaps some piercings).

 She discovered that the reason 

her daughter's friend couldn't come over to their house to play

is because the friend's mother didn't like the way C looked 

and clearly made a judgement about her parenting/house/lifestyle,

without ever even truly meeting and talking with C.

I was heartbroken for not only C but for her daughter

and the daughter's friend.

Everyone was being affected by the friend's mother's prejudgement.

When I read that status update, I thought,

I would NEVER do that!

I would never deny my kids a friend just because of how 

the parents look before getting to know them personally!

But would I?

Aren't I just as guilty sitting in my stadium seat 

judging this man as he walks by because of the way he looks?

Yes, I am just as guilty.

And when I realized it, I felt ashamed and remorseful that I even 

thought this man was a horrible person without even exchanging 

one word with him.

But all things have a silver lining and my silver lining is

that it made me realize just how often I judge people

by appearances.

I think it is human nature to do so,

so I don't beat myself up over doing it.

But what I do want to do, and will practice in the future,

 is catching myself when I start with that train of thought and STOP myself.

I want to STOP that automatic assumption,

take a step back,

and begin to get to know people before I make a judgement of their character.

It is more difficult than it sounds

but worth the effort in the long run.

xo