Sunday, August 10, 2014

Cone Flower

Today I really don't feel like being thankful.
I don't feel like counting my blessings.
All I want to do is cry all day and feel sorry for myself.
As I am gathering more and more information about Lyme
and the co-infections that go with it,
(I can NOT believe with the wealth of information out there 
no one in the last two years picked up what I had...
it now seems so incredibly obvious)
I feel like I am at the base of Mt. Everest 
with no provisions, no map, no energy, or understanding
of how to climb this massive range that divides me
from the healthy life that surely awaits me on the other side.
How will I scale this impossible mountain?
And yet I know the baby step at a time...
one muscle twitching, pain inducing, headache pounding, nauseating, exhausting
baby step at a time.
There will be backslides and falls and stumbles along the way
but I will make it.
I have to keep telling myself that there is a quality of life worth doing this for
on the other side of that mountain.

Today I am thankful for something so mundane and little
that most people would laugh at being thankful for this.
I am thankful that I had the energy today to put away the laundry.
I hate when it is sitting out reminding me that I can't put it away,
that I can't muster the energy or pain-free movement to pick up laundry and put it away...
so getting that completed today made me feel less guilty about giving my body
the rest it so needs to begin the battle against these horrible bugs inside me.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so so sorry - indeed, what a mountain. I hope that I can provide a dose or two of encouragement along your journey. My prayers are surely with you!


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