Wednesday, April 15, 2015


Destiny has two ways of crushing us- by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them.
~Henri Frederic Amiel



Sometimes I feel like that is what my days are filled with.
Waiting on something, someone, answers, compliance, obedience, time, health, the line to fade in front of me at the checkout, the hurt to go away.

Just give it time, they say.  Who are they anyway?  And I hate the way they say "just" in front of that, like it is something very trivial and easy to do.  Giving it time means choosing to sit stuck in whatever it is that you are waiting for.  Time is valuable.  I don't want to "just give it time" because then I am handing over my most valuable possession, the time I have here on this side of forever.

Patience has never been my best virtue.  It is pretty clear to see, if you know me well.  At least I know this and admit this about myself and I do work on it.  Like, the other day I was sitting in an oral surgeon's office waiting for my fate to be decided on the latest health crisis.  Forty minutes later I was still waiting as the doctor examine the CAT scan over and over and over.  Instead of getting anxious or upset, like I usually do, I began daydreaming about the girl-in-dresses series I'm working on and what the next piece would look like.  I was thinking about how badly I wished the news the doctor would bring me would be good news and all of this pain, worry, and frustration would go away.  

Wishing, wishing, wishing, praying...hmmmmm.  And the idea POPPED into my head...this little pixie girl in white floating away wistfully on a dandelion wish into a realm of fantasy and fun.  The idea was born, birthed into the universe during a moment that I could have wasted worrying and fretting.

So, yeah, I am getting better with my patience.  But I still have a long way to go.  Perhaps the next idea for this series will spring into my mind when I am standing in the grocery line later today. Perhaps.


Have a wonderful Wednesday.

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