In My Children's Eyes

I often wonder how my kids see me.

Wouldn't it be interesting to step into their mind

for just a little while and view yourself from their perspective?

I bet it would be eye opening and totally change how I see myself.

Maybe one day I will do a journaling exercise where I will 

write a description of myself from the point of view of each of my kids...

and then show it to them to see how accurate it is.

Could be interesting.

I used to worry about what other people think of me,

but these recent life-changing events, 

(the loss of my father and my health)

has made me realize I really don't give a damn what "others" think of me.

All I care about is what my family and closest friends

think about my character and my heart.

Sitting through my father's service two months ago

I began to think about what kind of person I want to be remembered as.

What would my eulogy be?

What legacy would I leave behind?

What ripple of kindness would I leave in this world?

The other thing I realized recently is 

how important it is for me to be in more pictures.

I used to avoid pictures of myself at all costs,

but when I lost my father, I realized how prized those pictures of my father are to me.

Why would I deny my children the same comfort when I pass to the next life?

It is also important to show my kids, especially my girls,

that it is important to love yourself and be ok with your flaws.

As I get older and realize the outside isn't as beautiful as the inside,

I have become less vain about how a picture of me looks.

Heck...it's me and I need to love this body of mine...

I took it for granted until the past two years when my systems started to fail due to lyme.

NOW I realize just how precious and beautiful this body is.

I will celebrate it with pictures because damn it, I am beautiful.

Today I am thankful for this little step in falling in love with myself.

I now, more than ever, respect this amaizing body and 

the miraculous way in which in functions.

xo