Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Ancient Urges

A view of the dunes looking toward the sea along Barefoot Beach, Florida

Every time we walk along a beach some ancient urge disturbs us so that we find ourselves shedding shoes and garments or scavenging among seaweed and whitened timbers like the homesick refugees of a long war.

~Loren Eiseley

I never was much of a beach person growing up.  I didn't like the sand in my suit, or the harsh waves and undertow.  I didn't like being so dang hot.  I didn't like the greenish, murky water of the Mid-Atlantic where there were sea creatures lurking beyond my sight.  I am allergic to jellyfish stings, so nothing about dying by anaphylactic shock sounded like vacation to me.  The seashore just didn't hold any sort of appeal.

One of the many things that has changed since I became sick and was eventually diagnosed with Late Disseminated Lyme Disease is the fact that one of my most favorite places in the world now is, in fact, the beach.  Strange how things like this happen.  Something that held no mystery for me previously nows captures my attention and wanting like nothing else.  Where once I hated being hot, I now yearn for the warmth that takes away the constant cold ache in my bones.  Where once I hated the sand, I now appreciate the softness it offers to my body as I lie on my beach towel, it forming to the contours of my body and supporting me like a snug bed.  Where I once hated the green murky waters of the Mid-Atlantic, I have found my calling in the serene glass-like warm turquoise waters of the Gulf of Mexico.  I find myself longing, in a very primal sense, to return to the sea, the salt water, the sounds, smells, and sensations of the beach.

The sea feels like healing, a soothing balm to my sore, tired body, and a medication for my busy, overwhelmed mind.  When I meditate, I find myself in my mind's eye, alone on a pristine white beach with turquoise water gently lapping on shore, seabirds calling in the distance, a warm yellow beam of light filling me all the way into each cell of my body.  It is my go-to comfort spot in my mind when things are just too much.

Many times I am thankful that I have to walk through this journey of chronic illness because it has changed me on such a deep level for the better.  My view of the world and my everyday life is so much sweeter...I appreciate things so much more.  My view of the sea is one of these things that has changed, and I am happier for it.  Now, if only I could move closer to the Gulf... ;)

It's good to be back blogging and sharing my experiences with you.  I hope you had a blessed week while I was away.  I know I missed all of you.


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