Empty Nest- Digital Art by Tracey Grumbach

Digital Artist Tracey Grumbach- Empty Nest

We've begun the countdown until my oldest daughter leaves the nest and spreads her wings.  11 days. 11 days until she sets out on her own five states away from me. We have furniture stacked and ready to be loaded into the trailer for her new apartment. We have lists written that need to be checked off. She has a room that needs to be packed up...boxes everywhere. We've been teaching her last minute life skills she will need living on her own. (paying bills, balancing checkbooks, etc.) We've been squeezing in some last minute family time with fun activities like visiting Longwood Gardens, having a crab feast, meeting family members she won't see for a while for lunch, etc. It just seems like such a lot to do in so little time. 11 days.

I don't live well in chaos and between the generalized emotion of having my first child leave home, the deep emotion of this last week saying goodbye to young men my kids' ages who've died, general anxiety about the condition of the world in which we live in, and the clutter of packing her up...well, I am an emotional mess. 11 days.

I have become increasingly aware just how precious these moments are when our children are entrusted to our care and live under the same roof as us. I am happy and excited for her because I can remember that feeling of getting ready to set out on one's own. However, my anxiety over harm coming to her has risen over the last week. I have complete confidence she will do amazingly...I just don't have complete confidence in other people. The world has become such a crazy place. 11 days.

My oldest son won't be far behind her as he plans on setting off to school in October, leaving me suddenly with a house of 4 instead of 6. I am sure that once Brenna is settled in Florida, our attention will turn to a countdown for him as well. Where has the time gone? 11 days...

-------

On a side note, I wanted to thank everyone who took the chance to see my art displayed at the Art Without Boundaries Exhibit at the Bel Air Branch of Harford County Public Library. This exhibit has closed and it was wildly successful. Such beautiful art created by people of all abilities! I was so honored to have my art included.

Also, please join me this Friday from 6PM-9PM at Arts By the Bay Gallery in Havre de Grace for First Friday! Stop in the gallery to say hello and then enjoy all the festivities that will be set up along Main Street. It really is a fun time! I hope to see you there. 

Blessings to you on this day.
xo

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend- Digital Art

It has been quiet around here. Despite my plans for an active summer full of exploring with the twins before they return to public school in September, my body has decided not to cooperate so far. I've been confined to the house pretty much for the last week except for an outing to the Hippodrome with a friend and a family picnic for 4th of July...both of which I rested in chairs.  Yesterday I had a close call with a health crisis that almost sent me to the hospital, but in the end it subsided and I was able to stay home, under the careful and vigilant watch of my oldest daughter.  I sure am going to miss her when she moves away next month. I still have tons of hope, though, and I see a future full of activity and exploring. I'm just not quite there yet.

Since I haven't been far from home, I have been busy with creative things around the house. This was the view from my front porch when a summer thunderstorm was rolling in. Not too shabby of a view! I've also been working on my Figurescapes class and I have completed my second project. I'll show that to you and talk more about that here on the blog tomorrow. I've also been writing. Yesterday, I told you I was writing another article for The Mighty and I did, but after going back to edit it yesterday after lunch, I hated it. Yep. I absolutely hated the article I wrote. The tone was so negative and I didn't like how I presented the material. So, today, I plan on rewriting the article, but this time with a positive and hopeful tone!

Today looks to be more of the same, except maybe I will pull out some art materials and make some art paper and collages I can use in upcoming artwork I have planned. It will be fun to do something with physical materials instead of a just a computer. I hope your Thursday is the best Thursday you've ever had! I think I'll throw on some relaxing music, fold some laundry, and then get started with all of these creative endeavors I have planned. Till tomorrow...

xo

What Would You Do If You Knew You Couldn't Fail?

failure-
noun

1. lack of success.
2.  the omission of expected or required action

Reading a magazine the other day, The Magnolia Journal, to be exact, I came across this question...What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? It really got me thinking, especially since failure seems to be surrounding me lately as I navigate through another round of treatment for Chronic Lyme and co-infections. I don't seem to be able to do much lately due to the symptoms of the disease and the side effects of treatment holding me back. Since 2014 I have defined my life as "before" I was sick and "after" I was sick. I've actually had to grieve the life that I lost when this disease took over my every waking (and sleeping) minute. I used to be an active, go-getter, type A person and now...well, now I'm lucky to make it through the day.

So, back to the question...what would I do if I knew I couldn't fail? What would I do if my body and brain would cooperate and allow me the life I long to have? What would I do if I could string more than a few hours together when I felt well enough or had enough energy to something more than lie in bed?

Artwork by Katie Vernon- katievernon.com

 I'd travel. I would buy an RV and tour the beautiful United States writing about and photographing my adventures along the way. I love learning about new places, new people, history, cultures, and landscapes. My life would become one long, glorious road trip stopping wherever and whenever I found something interesting.

I'd also love to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate and help foster children by being their voice in the courtroom. Since I adopted twins back in 2011, who had a wonderful CASA, I've wanted to give back to the foster/adoption community in any way I can. One day, when I am in remission, I will do this!

So, what is it that you would do if you knew you could not fail? What dreams do you have?

xo

Life is Tenuous So Walk the Wire- Digital Art by Baltimore Artist

Life is tenuous. Take the risk, walk the wire, and see what you find.

I was scrolling through a favorite fellow digital artist's Facebook page yesterday evening when I saw the news. A woman who was a force of nature, a sweet soul to everyone who admired her, a beautiful creative with depth of philosophical thought, died on December 23, leaving the digital art world reeling and feeling empty.

I had a brief exchange with Carolyn Hall Young when I first found her work back in 2015. I emailed her and told her that I totally could relate to her story. She has been bravely battling cancer for a long period of time and found that when she lost the strength and endurance to use traditional tools, she moved to creating digitally, usually on an iPad air. While I have not fought cancer, I could relate to her story of losing something you love, in my case photography, due to health issues and turning to digital art to express your feelings. When I wrote to her I was fully not expecting a response as I know she had her own battles and time was of the essence for her...taking care of her farm in Santa Fe, taking care of her garden, and of course, taking care of herself and creating art. But, she wrote back. Her words were encouraging and sweet, philosophical and helpful. I was touched that she took the time to address me, someone she had no idea existed. After becoming Facebook friends, I was able to keep track of her work, which was always inspiring.

I felt a deep sadness with the news, but also a thankfulness that she is no longer in such physical pain. Carolyn will be missed. There was a beautiful tribute written about her by someone who knew her much better than me, so I encourage you to click through to read it. Carolyn, may you fly high, be everywhere, and continue to inspire from the realm beyond.  God bless.

xo

Concord Point Lighthouse- Harford County Art

I counsel you: Look to the lighthouse of the Lord. 

There is no fog so dense, no night so dark, no gale so strong, 

no mariner so lost but what its beacon light can rescue. 

It beckons through the storms of life. 

It calls, 'This way to safety; this way to home. 

- Thomas S. Monson

The home phone rang. I picked it up expecting it to be the third telemarketer of the day, but instead I saw on the caller id that it was my husband. 

I answered, "Hello?" 

But instead of a reply all I could hear on the other end was traffic noises.

"Hello?" I said again, starting to feel an empty pit form in my stomach. Nothing...only a bit of static and traffic noises.

I hung up. Maybe it was a bad connection. I was sure he would call right back. 

As I waited for the phone to ring again, I remembered that my husband was traveling that day. He had a meeting that morning away from his office and it was just about the time his meeting would have been over and would be traveling back.

Another minute passed and just as I was getting ready to call him, my nerves rising, my cell phone rang. His cell phone caller id showed once again, but this time on my mobile phone.

"Hello?" I answered. 

Nothing. Traffic noises.

"Brian?  Are you there?  Hello?" Fear was just beginning to bud and take root in my gut. 

No answer. 

Panicked now, I hung up and decided to try to text. Something wasn't right. Why could I hear background car noises but not his voice?  

I texted..."I answered both phones but can only hear traffic noises. I can't hear you. Are you ok?"

The reply came in a short time..."My car is totaled. I need you to come pick me up." 

Stomach acid began to rise in my throat, a shot of adrenaline coursed through me as I struggled to push down the panic and think clearly. Where was he? Was he hurt? How would I get to him? Was anyone else injured? Why wasn't his phone working?

I screamed for my oldest daughter, told her what was going on and asked her to mind the twins while I left to go find Brian. I threw a pair of shoes on and ran out the door as I was calling Brian once again to try and connect with him and find out his location so I could get him. 

Hearing his voice settled my nerves a bit after the call finally connected (his cell phone was still connecting to the car bluetooth so while he could hear me, I could not hear him because he was out of the car but not far enough away to drop the bluetooth connection). But I had an hour and ten minute ride to get to him. This was a long time to drive and wonder what happened and of course, imagine all that could have happened. 

This is when I began to pray. I prayed to the Lord, handing him all my fears and worries and rested in knowing that He had this. He is in complete control and there was nothing I could do but trust in Him. My shaking settled. My stomach unclenched. I began to praise Him and thank him that Brian was not seriously injured. While it was one of the longest rides of my life, I was thankful for the complete silence in the truck (no radio, no kids, no phone) so that I could throw complete trust to God and his plan for our lives.

By the time I got to the accident scene I was completely calm. I was centered. I was ready to deal with whatever was required of me to help my husband. 

I share this story with you to remind you that even in times of turmoil and confusion, the Lord has you in the palm of his hand. Even in the midst of panic, if you can remember to seek God, calmness will overtake you. The quote above, "Look to the lighthouse of the Lord" is so true. There is nothing He can not guide you through.

I am so thankful my husband and the other driver were safe and uninjured despite a horrific accident with massive vehicle damage to both cars. Neither one of the drivers had a scratch or a bruise on them. It was a miracle and no one can tell me it wasn't. I believe in angels and I believe in the power of putting all your worries in the hands of God. 

xo 

Self Portrait With War Paint- My Silent Battle

Self Portrait with War Paint
digital art

My Silent Battle

I have battled monsters too small to see.
I have wrestled with monsters larger than Goliath.
I have fought quiet voices without a face.
I have brawled with voices louder than my scream.

And yet all you see is my weakness.

I am a warrior, a fighter, a soldier, a hero.

I am a champion, even if no one can see.

My silent battle rages on.



Dedicated to all the warriors out there who fight a good fight every single day...no matter what that fight may be. Make it a great day today.
xo

Caution in the Wind

Caution in the Wind

The wind blew off the Gulf in a steady gust, making the caution flag stand stiff and straight toward the shore. The whitecaps were pounding the beach, pushing the salt water roughly into the powdery sand of the number one beach destination in Florida...Siesta Beach. The grey clouds of rain gathered just off shore in the distance, threatening and teasing. And yet people came with hope and anticipation that the day would just get better.

As much as I wanted to get into the healing waters of the sea, I knew I couldn't. I shouldn't risk coming in contact with a jellyfish and going into anaphylactic shock. I've been allergic to them since I was stung as a teen and still carry an epi-pen every time I go to the beach. The wind of off-shore storms will often push the creatures closer to shore and cause an issue for me. Despite all my family telling me they had not seen any, I stayed huddled on the beach while they swam. Days like these I feel alone in a crowd and left sitting out of life as an observer. It's like I'm watching the action inside a snow globe, shaking the snow all around to make it swirl, yet I can't be a part of the world inside. It's a weird and isolating feeling.

As the rain began to spit and then steadily soak our belongings, I packed up our most precious possessions that would be damaged in the rain and trekked off to the pavilion for cover. I was part of a herd like exodus from the beach. Alone, but in a crowd, I was now too far away to even watch my family in the waves. Normally I never feel sorry for myself because I would never want anyone else to have the medical issues I do, but that day, I just wanted to participate. I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to do what I wanted without having to gauge the health consequences of my actions. I wanted to live inside the snow globe, not be separated by the glass walls of illness that make me different.

The rain finally subsided and I returned to the beach, this time armed with my phone...if I could not be a part of the action, I could at least record the scene so I could create with it later. And that is just what I did. I was still an observer, but a different sort of observer. I was one with a mission of recording the beauty all around me that I felt I just couldn't quite touch on this day.

Have a beautiful Monday and a blessed week.

xo

Summer Warmth

Summer Warmth
digital art

As July comes to a close in a few days, I sit thinking about all that has happened in this month. I've began treatment for Bartonella yet again and have had a horrible reoccurrence of health issues including a jaw infection (that I had surgery on last year to correct...it's back), severe shoulder pain (now thinking it is a possible torn labrum from my fall in March), and continued pain in the hand that I fell on in March (need another MRI to see if there is debris still in there even after surgery in May to remove it). I feel like this month has been filled with doctor's appointments, MRI's, x-rays, blood-work...rinse and repeat. It could be worse, so I am thankful for the overall progress I've made since learning how to detox better (since I have a MTHFR mutation) and remediating for the mold in the house (I am also HLA Multi-susceptible 4-3-53). I was thrilled to make it to my first Harford Lyme Advocate meeting at Upper Chesapeake Hospital last week to share my story and hear other stories of people with health issues similar to mine. It is great to know we are not alone. If you are interested in coming to the meetings, we meet the third Thursday of the month at Upper Chesapeake Hospital. You can contact me via the contact button for more information.

Despite my relapse of health issues, we've managed to have lots of fun as a family this month. My oldest daughter had an amazing opportunity to go to NYC to attend a high school leadership conference in the area of digital media, journalism, and film. She stayed at Manhattan College in a dorm for a week while working with some of the most high achieving teens in the country. This experience confirmed even further that she is passionate and determined to make the film industry her career. We are in full swing of looking at colleges and film schools for her to attend next year. She is getting her senior portraits taken today (sniff!) and we just received confirmation that she will attend half-day high school her senior year while taking college courses the other half of her day at the local college. She is taking television production and hiking her first semester, which she is thrilled about. In addition to that opportunity, our family has had local day trips including to spend lots of quality time together including Independence Day fireworks, a combine demolition derby, and several library programs.

The twins and I have been continuing our homeschooling this summer, just recently beginning third grade for them.  This year has FLOWN by in that aspect. They have made amazing progress and we are all excited for this year. While we school year round, in the summer months we do slow down. We've been knocking out health, reading, math, and mythology and will begin our full-day schedule again at the end of August. I was honored to be interviewed by a local children's magazine about our homeschooling experience and I'm looking forward to that article coming out August 1 in Baltimore's Child magazine, which you can pick up at local restaurants, bookstores, newsstands, and other places distributing free local publications.

My oldest son is doing well and working hard this summer. He has decided to take the fall semester off from college, trying to save money, and then return for the winter semester. He has a wonderful girlfriend that fits in nicely with our family and they have been having lots of fun this summer hiking, kayaking, and fishing.

Professionally this month has been great. I had the honor of selling several pieces of art in the gallery and also a few private sales. It is always an honor to hear how my art personally affects someone. I've had the opportunity to interact with two my my buyers personally and hear the stories as to why my art touched them. I've also had one of my images featured in a Flickr group this month, showcasing pieces that connect health with art. I'm looking for more opportunities to have my art published, so this fall I am looking into submitting to other art magazines again.

My other love this month has been my organic garden. I'm gardening in a raised bed with organic fertilizer (I do have a horse after all) and I have never seen plants this big in my life. I am growing Juliet Roma Grape Tomatoes, heirloom Cherokee Purple Tomatoes, and Beefsteak Tomatoes. I am also growing organic cucumbers, green bell peppers, pumpkins, and strawberries. I began harvesting strawberries in June and cucumbers, peppers, and tomatoes this month. I have one pumpkin that is almost ready to harvest and it is HUGE. I plan on making pie with it. There is no way we will be able to eat all of this produce, so I will be giving lots away to family and neighbors.

That's about it! I am looking forward to an upcoming much needed vacation and then I'll be back at it again. I hope all of you are having a wonderful, safe, healthy summer.

xo

Self Portrait 2

Self Portrait 2

Another in my recent self portrait series

How many times have I stood by and watched something from afar that I know I should stop? How many times have I talked myself out of my gut instinct? How many times have I let fear stop me? How many times have I walked by someone struggling and thought, "It's not my problem?" How many times have I not wanted to be nosey so I minded my own business instead of offering help?

Many times.

But not this night.

This night I noticed, I interfered, I had enough, I was nosey, I didn't turn the other cheek, I didn't mind my own business, I stood up for what is right, I pushed through the fear, I didn't talk myself out of it, I didn't turn my head and pretend not to see.

Driving by in Baltimore City, I saw it happen and once I did I couldn't NOT do something. I've been there, where she is, shivering (is it cold or fear or both?) on the corner trying to get away. I've been the negotiator at my own boxing match, trying to get free without harm from someone that was supposed to love me. I've wondered what words will work this time to diffuse the anger that is hurled at me for reasons I can't fathom. I've seen the fear in her eyes from the inside out and remember how the brain and emotions shut off to protect itself...that blank stare. I wonder if she will remember the whole incident or only bits and pieces or only the residual gut ache of fear, desperation, and hopelessness? I wonder if she is already planning how she will respond when he apologizes? She probably is.

I pick up my phone and dial the three numbers...9.1.1.

911. What is your emergency?

I'm at the corner of _____________ and ________________.  There is a male hitting, grabbing, and restraining a female. I need a police officer...

After I hung up the tears came, fast and hot. Why is this such an epidemic in this world? 1 in 4 women will be victims of intimate partner violence in their lifetime. I was that ONE when I was in a long abusive relationship as a teen.

I wish I knew if the police actually showed up. I wish I knew if they made it on time. I wish I knew a way to stop the abuse without putting myself in a deadly situation. I wish I knew this would be the last time she was hit by someone that is supposed to love her. I hope she makes it out. I did. There is hope, but there has to be a rock bottom and a will to move forward. If I could, I would bottle strength, courage, and fortitude and give it to her.  I'd giftwrap it in love and offer it to her like a lifesaver thrown to a drowning victim.  She just has to grab on.

xo

Looking For My Heart's Desire

If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again,

I won't look any further than my own back yard.

Because if it isn't there,

I never really lost it to begin with.

L. Frank Baum

The Wizard of Oz

As I have gotten older and since I became very ill a few years back with Chronic Lyme Disease, I have had quite the love affair with my own back yard. I really and truly am just so content being here, nestled into my own little nest in the world. I love looking out the windows in the morning, upon the foggy mist that often shrouds our pasture, watching our horse graze lazily on the dewy spring grass. I love drinking my tea on weekends, warm mug clutched in between both palms as I gently swing on the porch swing watching the morning frenzy of birds at my feeder. I love looking out at this scraggly dogwood while I stand doing dishes in my quiet kitchen. It glows bright white, as it captures the first morning rays of light and seems to pop off the deeper darker greens spring is famous for. 

I won't lie, I still have wanderlust...a desire to set out into the world to see as many wondrous things as possible before my time here is finished, but I don't need it. I can be content and in love with my own space. And I am.

xo

Slowly Sinking, Wasting

But lately her face seems

Slowly sinking, wasting

Crumbling like pastries

And they scream

The worst things in life come free to us.

"The A Team"

Ed Sheeran

I've been out of blogging and art for a while, as I am sure you have noticed. Everyone is so kind to contact me in the various ways, checking on me. All is fairly well...there was no particular reason for my absence other than I just haven't been feeling it lately. I haven't felt like writing or doing art in the past month or so, so I didn't. I gave myself permission to take a break. I refuse to put pressure on myself for blogging or creating art, it just doesn't work that way, so I decided that I would write when I good and well felt like it. Anyway, here is an update of recent happenings...

I've been exploring self portraits lately and I am really drawn to this one for some reason. I guess because it visually represents how I still feel some days when I am at my worst. Lately though, it seems as if I've been having a few more good days than I was (YAY!) and my blood work reflects that. My inflammation levels have dropped 4,000 points but they still remain 3x what they should be. My most recent cognitive test also indicates slightly reduced inflammation and biotoxin levels, but there still was no improvement in my oxygen levels. So, that is where we are concentrating at the moment...getting more oxygen to my brain. A new supplement was added to aid in this task, so hopefully I will be able to see the difference soon. Air hunger, exhaustion, brain fog, and word seeking seem to be hanging on tight although my pain levels have been reduced somewhat. The symptoms match what my labs and cognitive tests are showing, so at least that means I am still in tune with my body and interpreting its signals correctly.

About a month ago I wiped out in the parking lot of a local school. I was calling over my shoulder to my kiddos when I stepped off the curb and onto a rock that proceeded to roll under my foot, causing me to lose my balance. I was able to catch myself with my knees and palms, saving my face from smashing into the ground, but unfortunately, I sprained my left wrist (the ligaments were hyperextended and stretched) and cut up my palm pretty badly. The parking lot was full of debris...you know the corner of every parking lot that collects all the washed out junk...pebbles, glass, leaves, etc.?  Yep, that was the corner where I fell, so the various debris littering the ground wound up in the soft skin of the palm of my left hand. I cleaned it out with hydrogen peroxide, running water, soap, and doused it in antibacterial cream.  I even did epsom salt soaks. However, a month later, I am still dealing with weakness, pain, and a large lump on the pinky side of my palm. The doctor believes there is still debris inside my palm trapped in when the cuts healed over. So, Friday I will be seeing a hand specialist to see what needs to be done. Not what I was hoping for...more medical issues to deal with, but hopefully this will be as easy as numbing my palm, cutting open the wound, and cleaning out whatever is in there.  We'll see. I am desperately praying that surgery is not needed.

In good news, I was honored this week when I was personally invited to attend an upcoming session of the Harford County Council. On May 3, the Council will be passing a proclamation stating that May is Lyme Disease Awareness Month and I was asked, as one of the many Lyme advocates and patients in the area, to attend. If you recall, I had a solo art show back in October and I donated a percentage of the proceeds to fund education, legislation, and advocacy for Lyme sufferers. So, the organization I donated to personally reached out and asked me to be there. I wouldn't miss it for the world. In another post, I will update everyone on all the recent good work this organization has been able to achieve since my show.  :)

I hope everyone is holding on tight during this spring roller coaster weather. It has been interesting to say the least, with 30 degree temperature changes in 24 hours. May you all be blessed this beautiful time of year and I hope to be back posting soon.  xo

P.S.  I will be working at Arts By the Bay Gallery in Havre de Grace this evening from 3PM-7PM...stop in to see my work and we can chat.  

5 Year Adoption Anniversary!

Today is a special day in our family. Five years ago today was the legal adoption of the twins. Our life changed the minute they stepped into it as foster children and they still brighten our lives every single day. To celebrate, I am reposting the blog post I wrote 5 years ago on the morning of the adoption...enjoy!

Originally posted 5 years ago today...

5 years ago today at the courthouse! Our four children

I can't believe we made it here...ADOPTION DAY!

It has been such a long and winding road.

Isn't it amazing how a journey of a thousand miles

starts with one simple baby step?

I still remember the phone call I made

to my dear friend, A, who was the twins' foster mother

before me.

 I remember distinctly the first question I asked her was

"Are you sitting down?"

and the second was:

"What are the chances we will be able to adopt the twins?"

"Slim to none." was her answer.

And then she had a question for me...

"Are you crazy?"

She didn't ask me that question because 

there was anything wrong with the twins...

she was asking because I had a 12 and 10 year old

at the time and this would be starting all. over. again.

Not to mention she knew the heartache and struggles that this 

road less traveled would hold for us.

After all, she had been a foster parent for years 

and knew the system.

But there was something there...

a whisper in my heart the very fist time I saw 

their sweet faces...

Days and nights of thinking and rethinking 

and dreaming and what-if-ing.

And then, when I was still and listened to my soul

I found the answer.

They belonged with us.

They were born to be a part of this family.

And so the journey began.

Today is the end of our fostering journey 

but the beginning of a lifelong journey of a new family dynamic.

Four children!  

I've always wanted four children.

I thought they would all be biological children,

but God had a master plan 

and needed us to raise these little blessings...

and so He told us to wait...

(Most of you may not know that I miscarried my third child after the 12th week)

and so I thought there would never be four children.

But, I was wrong.

It was in the plans, just not how I thought it would be.

Today starts this new, beautiful, scary journey of 

 loving, worrying about, guiding, teaching,

and yes, getting frustrated with,

two more children...

two beautiful gifts entrusted to us...

a gift times two from the universe.

Thank you to all of my friends and family

who have walked this path with us...

clearing the way, 

crying with us,

supporting us,

cheering with us,

having sleepless nights worrying with us,

letting us lean on you when we were ready to quit,

and now

celebrating with us.

We love each and every one of you.

As I sit here and type,

happy tears are falling

down my cheeks

because I know from this day forward

life will never be the same.

And thank God for that.

My 4 children today!
Photo by Dawn Bayer Photography

xoxo

The Windy Day

Digital Painting of my cat, Oreo, watching the birds and swaying trees in the wind today.
She is sitting on a stack of books about Vivian Maier, one of my photography heroes.

Not much to report lately. I was hoping to have the results of our mold test today, but no such luck...at least not yet at the time I am typing this. I was hoping to have it by now so my doctors and I could nail down an action and treatment plan to get me back to better health. I guess patience is still something I am working on.

I happened to bump into a friend yesterday from back when I used to photograph the local high school football team. Her boys were on the team and they were always such gentlemen, so of course, I was curious as to how they were doing. One is now a senior in college and the other is a sophomore. She told me they both are doing really well and that her oldest son is going the NFL combine this year. I was so excited for her and the family.  How cool is that?  His lifelong dream to play pro football may just be around the corner. I love hearing success stories for young people. I hope he works hard and it all turns out for him.

I finished up the book Under the Wide and Starry Sky this morning. It was an exceptional book by Nancy Horan, who also wrote Loving Frank, which I read a few years back. It was a bit long and I felt it could have been edited a bit more to reduce the 474 page count.  At times it just seemed too drawn out, but overall it was a fantastic historical fiction. I learned a lot I didn't know about Robert Louis Stevenson and his family. He lived quite an exotic life to say the least. I also related to the main characters because Louis Stevenson had chronic illness and his wife, Fanny, was his main care-taker.

Now I started the book, The Choice, by Nicholas Sparks. Everytime I read a Sparks book I swear I won't read another. They typically follow the same pattern and are mindless. But, in this instance, I wanted mindless and effortless after tackling such a large novel. So, I know I'm slumming by choosing this book, and it's ok.  :) Since it is going to be coming out as a movie soon, I figured I better read it in case I ever decided to waste two hours watching the movie.

Sunday night at 8:00PM on BYUTV is the premiere of the show Relative Race, which I had the pleasure of being a part of back in September. You can go to Relative Race to read about the show and the premise behind it, but basically, I am related to Doug of Team Blue in the show. He and his wife, Margo, come to our home and spend time here getting to know us a bit. They don't come to our house until episode 9, but tune in for the whole show and root for my long lost cousin, Doug and his wife as they travel across the country meeting relatives they didn't know they had!

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend and I will catch you back here Monday.  Peace.

Where Joy Resides

Writers should find out where joy resides and give it a voice. 

Every bright word or picture is a piece of pleasure set afloat. 

The reader catches it, and he goes on his way rejoicing.

It's the business of art to send him that way as often as possible.

Nancy Horan- Under the Wide and Starry Sky

I haven't said much about the two sheriff's deputies that were killed in the line of duty, mostly because I don't know what to say...there just aren't words.

Last week the twins and I were running errands and happened to end up at the same shopping center where the LEOs were killed. I decided to tell the twins in age appropriate language and detail, what happened there and then go see the memorials set up inside and outside the Panera Bread. I also wanted to monetarily support the Panera Bread by patronizing the establishment since I know an event like this can carry a stigma with it. So, we went in and made an order. The twins asked a few questions and then we walked over to the two tables they have set up with various objects, letters, and pictures honoring the memory of the two officers. The three of us held hands and said a prayer for the officers, their families, and all the employees and patrons of the restaurant that had been there that day. It was more emotional than I thought it would be, considering we didn't personally know anyone who was involved. I cried a few tears from empathy (it brought back the feelings I had when I suddenly lost my father a year and a half ago.) and the twins went completely silent with heavy emotion.

I am glad I took them there. At eight years old they are now able to understand and express feelings that they never were able to do before. I think it is important to teach my kids about LEOs and the job they face everyday. I have many LEOs in my family and I refuse to let my children be touched by the people who hate and would like to bring harm to those who protect us everyday. This impromptu visit to the place where two officers were killed was a dialog opener for us. For that, I am thankful.

Happy Tuesday, y'all.  I hope you enjoy the digital art, "Where Joy Resides". To see more of my work in person, please visit Arts by the Bay Gallery in Havre de Grace.

P.S. If you are interested, I will be posting a Flip-a-gram later today on Nine Acres Designs Facebook page showing the progression of yesterday's piece, A Chronic Invalid, step by step as I created it. So, check in after lunch for that!

The Shell

I thought I would update you on some general-goings-on around here since I haven't done that in quite a while. Not much is really happening this time of year, but for many family and friends who follow this blog, I thought I'd catch you up.

It is a quiet time of year for me. With the recent blizzard and the snow today, things seem to slow down and get quiet, like we are under some sort of insulated blanket, waiting for spring. The twins are busy with homeschool, playing in the snow, and playing basketball. They start swim lessons this week, and are looking forward to that like crazy. They had such a slow start in learning how to swim due to their circumstances and then due to some medical issues when they were little, so I really really want them swimming well by this summer. I also decided that we were not returning to homeschool co-op this spring because of recent medical reasons...it was just too much on my plate. Sanity and rest are what I am looking for and need right now, so a few things had to go in life and that was one of them despite me really enjoying teaching photography.

While I have been busier than normal for the middle of winter with real estate photos, I am enjoying the quiet lull this weather affords me. I have been very busy with creating new pieces of artwork and have sold yet another piece at the gallery. It is such an honor when people buy my work to display in their homes and offices. I work at the gallery, Arts By the Bay in Havre de Grace on Saturday, so I will be taking a new piece in to replace the one that has sold.  12 new pieces have arrived from the fine art printer and I am in the process of getting those pieces ready for the next show in a few months.

In my down time I have been enjoying reading again. I made a goal of reading 20 books again this year and I am off to a good start. I am such a slow reader that this is a good goal for me considering I have a job, my art, homeschool, and a family with 4 kids. I don't have much quiet time besides my detox baths and late nights after everyone is in bed. So far this calendar year I have read The Enchanted Life of Adam Hope, The Catcher in the Rye, and Brooklyn. I am currently reading The Painted Girls.  I signed up for my local library's winter reading challenge, so I have to finish 5 books by March 4th so I can earn my free Snoopy coffee mug. Funny how we subject ourselves to challenges like this just to win a free mug. :) If you are so inclined, you can follow what books I am reading on my "Bookshelf" tab below the blog header. I am a member of Goodreads, so I frequently update my progress there.

I've been researching again on Ancestry and have made some amazing discoveries about my family, including arrest records, a mugshot, and FBI involvement with some of my distant relatives. It has been quite interesting and shocking to say the least, but I think I will make that a separate post for another time.

Speaking of Ancestry, I did want you all to know that the reality show we are on, Relative Race, is getting ready to air on February 28th, 8:00PM ET on BYUTV network (carried by Comcast, DISH network, and DirecTV, and also streams online on BYUTV.org). I just had to retape some audio for the production company because some of the phone audio from the show was garbled. It was so bizarre having to retape phone conversations 5 months after the fact. I have discovered that I am not natural and conversational when I have a script to read in front of me.  Good grief. I sound like a dork and I totally over-enunciate everything. The poor producer was like, ok, one more time and please sound like you are having a conversation instead of reading a script.  (The script was taken from my original phone conversation, so it was even really a script in that sense!) I think I ended up having to do it about 10 times and I am sure it still sounds dorky. Ach!  So much for my television and film career.  I think I will leave that to my oldest daughter. ;)

You can find the Relative Race trailer here (which we are not on, but my relatives are...TEAM BLUE! GO DOUG AND MARGO!) I am not on until episode 9 out of 10 episodes, so it will be a while before my television debut, lol. Before you ask, no, I don't know who wins the race...we are all under contract to top secrecy so even my own relatives couldn't tell me who crossed the finish line first! I will find out right along with you all as I watch the show!

That's it for now...I hope you all stay warm and have a wonderful snow day.

Rock Presbyterian

Transcript of the Historical Sign on location: Rock Presbyterian Church was founded in 1720 in North Milford Hundred, Cecil County, Maryland. First called New Erection on the Branches of Elk River, then Elk River Church, Great Elk, Upper Elk, and since, 1793, Rock. Present church erected in 1761 and remodeled in 1844 and 1900.

I love old buildings and this church in Fair Hill is no different. I love the stone work and the details that caught my eye one day as I was traveling for a real estate shoot. I caught a glimpse of this beauty out of the corner of my eye down a side road. After my shoot and on my way home, I turned off and took a couple of photos.

If you are interested in the history of this gorgeous church, you can find it here. Have a wonderful Friday. I will be out and about today visiting the Elkton and Havre de Grace galleries that show my work. I hope you all have a great weekend and I will see you on the other side.

The Orchard

Only when the last tree has been cut down,
Only when the last river has been poisoned,
Only when the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten.
~Cree Indian Prophecy

Because my mood is dark, I will just leave it at this quote today. I think it speaks well enough on its own.

xo

White Farm

Recently I have really begun to realize just how incredibly lucky I am to do what I love and to make money from art. Truly, if you think about it, how many people in the world do their soul's work for a living? I must admit, I can't support a family on what I am making with my art by any means, and I am thankful to my husband for being able to support us so well. But still, I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that what I am doing would ever bring joy to others and sell to the public at the consistent rate. I still have so many professional goals to reach and maybe one day I will be able to make a wonderful consistent income from what I do with art. Right now, I still rely on real estate photography to make a huge portion of Nine Acres Designs, LLC's income but perhaps in the not too distant future that will change.

This weekend I received another phone call from Arts By the Bay Gallery in Havre de Grace saying they sold another piece of mine and that I was to bring in another one to replace it. How exciting! I currently have 12 new limited edition pieces ordered (and shipped) and awaiting the box is like anticipating Christmas morning for me. To actually see my digital art printed on Somerset Velvet paper with deep rich archival inks after creating and seeing my creations only on a digital screen is equivalent to that first buzz I got when I took my black and white film class and saw the images appear on the photo paper in the darkroom. It takes my breath away and brings me so much joy.

I hope your day is bringing you joy and that you can take a moment to appreciate all the blessings in your life.

xo

Disrepair

The fault-finder will find faults even in paradise. Love your life, poor as it is. 

You may perhaps have some pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poor-house. 

The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as from the rich man's abode; the snow melts before its door as early in the spring. 

I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there, 

and have as cheering thoughts, as in a palace.

~Henry David Thoreau

I absolutely love this quote. It is so true and you must admit we all know at least one person who finds fault with everything. We all do.  Right?

This piece of digital art is based off of a farm near where I live. Since I have been here...going on 12 years, I have only known this farm to be in disrepair and falling down. But soemthing about it still draws me in. I know, I am weird, but as I said before, moody landscapes and old buildings just intrigue me. A mixture of photograph, digital painting, textures, and stamps, this digital mixed media piece is a favorite of mine. 

Don't be a fault-finder...instead see the beautiful setting sun reflecting just as brightly from the windows of the alms-house. xo

Lone Horse in the Snow

Happiness isn't a fixed point.

It's always in flux.

~Unknown

This quote is so true and it has taken me a long time to accept that life isn't always happy and life isn't always the way we want it to be. I've also learned, though, if I stop living in the future and start living right here and now, riding the waves of emotions is so much easier and more rewarding. I have eliminated a lot of worry from my life simply by choosing to focus on the now and not worrying about tomorrow. Because I am a planner, I always wanted to know what tomorrow would bring which, many times, caused worry and an unsettled feeling. Living here, now, and not fretting over what is to come has been a process of conscious choice for me. It isn't easy but it has saved my emotional well being. When I feel my thoughts moving into the future in a negative way, I stop that train of thought and refocus on now. It is training my mind to think very differently than I what I am used to.

I have tried to stop saying "I will never _________________" fill in the blank with things I physically can't do right now to "One day I will _________________ again." It all comes down to being able to wait and not lose hope.

Now, I must also retrain my brain not to live in the past as well ;) I am a work in progress.