29/365- The Herd

The Herd by Tracey Grumbach

The human race is a herd. Here we are, unique, eternal aspects of consciousness with an infinity of potential, and we have allowed ourselves to become an unthinking, unquestioning blob of conformity and uniformity. A herd. Once we concede to the herd mentality, we can be controlled and directed by a tiny few. And we are. -David Icke

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An evening walk along a faux western town at a resort in Scottsdale, AZ brought me to this wall of bull skulls.

xo

23/365- September Field of Topaz

Meadow of Golden Rod at Longwood Gardens- Mobile Photography by Tracey Grumbach

"The fields stretched like a carpet of jewels, emerald and topaz and garnet. Everywhere she walked the color shouted and sang around her..."
-Elizabeth George Speare; The Witch of Blackbird Pond

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Walking with two of my friends at Longwood Gardens, we needed to decide which path to take where the trail split. They both deferred to me and at first I was tempted to take the trail I knew well. But then something made me say, "Let's take this trail. I've never been on it before and don't know where it goes."

And so we did. And this is what we found. A meadow carpeted in golden rod and other yellow wild flowers. I'm so glad I took a chance on the trail less taken. The extra steps it took to go the long way around was so worth it. The quickest way between two points is a straight line but sometimes it isn't about speed...it is about the view. I think I will be taking the miandering trails in life a little more often now that I know the rewards...

Have a fantastic Friday. I can't believe another week has flown by!

xo

22/365- Rest and Be Thankful

Mobile Photography by Tracey Grumbach

"Rest and be thankful." -William Wadsworth

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A long time ago I began a series called "Resting Places." I am fascinated with empty places of rest...benches, chairs, couches, etc.  Something calls me to them. I guess it's the open invitation to sit for a while...and be thankful.

I've decided to start this series again so I will be posting some more resting places over the next few weeks. This particular bench I found at Longwood Gardens on my recent trip there. I fell in love with the delicate green vines growing around the bench, the cut out in the wall, the colorful litter of fall leaves, the cool smooth stone...everything about it really. To me it is perfect.

Thank you for all the birthday wishes and messages. I had a fabulous day visiting a friend in the morning and then having lunch with a new friend/colleague. We rounded out the day at the twin's school for a back to school barbeque. I'm so thankful for all the blessings in my life. I am one lucky lady.

Have a great day!  I have a follow-up appointment at my Lyme doctor today and then an interview for a volunteer opportunity. See you here same time, same place tomorrow!

xo

Starry Crown- Mobile Art by Tracey Grumbach

When my son and I took a walk Tuesday morning, I saw this barn and the song Down to the River to Pray popped into my mind.  One of the lyrics says, "And who shall wear the starry crown" and a starry crown is exactly what I thought of when I saw this majestic, huge barn standing in the morning sun with the star near the peak.  It was such a beautiful morning and I felt like I had enough energy to do a short (and I mean short) walk, but now I've been paying for it. I'm not sure if it was the walk or not but Tuesday night and all day yesterday the pain in my legs has been unbearable.  This after my pain has been controlled really well for most of the month. My next appointment is Tuesday, so I am anxious to hear how my labs turned out.

My youngest daughter LOVES this song and sings along every time she hears it. I love it too, so I will share it with you...

Down to the River to Pray
Alison Krauss

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the starry crown
Good Lord, show me the way!

O sisters, let's go down,
Let's go down, come on down
O sisters, let's go down
Down in the river to pray.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the robe and crown 

Good Lord, show me the way!

O brothers, let's go down
Let's go down, come on down
Come on, brothers, let's go down
Down in the river to pray.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the starry crown
Good Lord, show me the way!

O fathers, let's go down
Let's go down, come on down
O fathers, let's go down
Down in the river to pray.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the robe and crown
Good Lord, show me the way!

O mothers, let's go down
Let's go down; don't you want to go down?
Come on, mothers, let's go down
Down in the river to pray.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the starry crown
Good Lord, show me the way!

O sinners, let's go down
Let's go down, come on down
O sinners, let's go down
Down in the river to pray.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the robe and crown
Good Lord, show me the way!

-Songwriter- Philip Anthony Lawson
-Lyrics- Hal Leonard Corporation 

 Hope you all have a fantastic Thursday!
xo

Southwest Terminal- Photo Artistry by Tracey Grumbach

Southwest Terminal- BWI Airport- Mobile Art by Tracey Grumbach

On Sunday I had the opportunity to take a few pictures outside my normal realm of country scenes and barns. We took my oldest daughter, Brenna, to BWI airport where she was taking her first solo flight to meet a friend and her family on vacation out in Seattle and then from there driving over the border into Vancouver. She was nervous about navigating security and finding her gate prior to her flight but she did great. It was good practice for her to spread her wings a bit before she heads off to college in August. As I was riding the moving sidewalk (do they have an official name?) back to the parking garage, I looked out the windows just to my right and I saw this scene. The lines and lighting caught my eye and I immediately knew when I edited I wanted to create a futuristic feel. I left swiped my iPhone 6S Plus and grabbed a photo. Editing came later when I had time to concentrate and complete the final look.

I am pleased to announce I have been asked to be the featured speaker at the Chester County, PA Camera Club in November of this year. They have asked me to speak to their club of approximately 100 members for about an hour and then stay for some Q&A. I am quite honored to be asked and I am very much looking forward to doing this in the fall. I am not sure what topic will be most appropriate for me to discuss yet...it depends on their interests and needs. I am still in discussions with the VP of the group about details, but whatever the topic, I will be thrilled and excited to share my love of photography and digital art.

I'm also actively working on the details of my very first Introduction to Mobile Art Class in September. Right now the tentative date and location is Saturday, September 16 at Bel Air Library. These details are NOT confirmed, but please, if you are interested, pencil it in as tentative.  A class description and sign-up will be coming out soon.

I've also been asked to do an Understanding Exposure In Photography class as well. This will probably be a bit later in the fall and will be scheduled over three separate Saturdays, one for going over each of the three elements of exposure- ISO, aperture, and shutter speed. I am so excited to get back into the teaching groove as soon as the fall hits!

I also have a few other class ideas brewing...Creative Exposure in Photography, and Introduction to Black and White Photography are in the future as well. Now that the my older kids are heading out on the next phase of their lives and my younger kids are heading back to school, it is time for me to focus on healing completely and accomplishing my goals as an artist and teacher.

It's Hump Day, y'all. The weekend is within sight. I am heading to Ikea today if I can summons enough energy and stamina. I'm in the market for a large art table for my studio! Yippee...somewhere I can practice drawing, painting, collage, and mixed media instead of my teeny, tiny, wobbly, warped, crooked table I have now. I hope I can find one that will work well for me!

Hugs and lovin'

xo

Single White Rose- Digital Art by Tracey Grumbach

Out of all the flower and still life shots I took the other day using my tabletop soft box, this one is my favorite. I used a single LED light that came with my soft-box setup to create directional lighting and beautiful shadowing on the rose and the bottle. Then, I took a picture using my iPhone 6S Plus (I didn't have enough energy to climb my studio stairs and work with with my Canon 5D Mark III) and edited it in various apps including Brushstroke, Image Blender, Snapseed.  Next, I beamed it over to my iMac using PhotoSync to tweak it in Photoshop CC. I love the shadows and light and also the painterly quality of the texture. I hope you like it too.

Yesterday was a huge turning point for me as a mom getting ready to send my daughter off to college. While we were sitting as a family at dinner, my husband announced that Brenna, my oldest daughter, now has an address for her home away from home. The apartment complex where my daughter will be living has identified the specific apartment she will get and sent us all the information as well as the lease. I know it sounds weird, adding her Winter Park, FL address into her contact in my iPhone made her move feel so close and so official. It was another level of reckoning in my preparation of watching her spread her wings.

In addition, Brenna and I did a big burst of online shopping together to pick out some essentials she will be needing to furnish her apartment! On the top priority list was bedding, lamps (there is no lighting in the apartment except the bathroom), shower curtain, and a cover for the used couch that was given to her by a neighbor. She has collected a lot of free hand-me-down furniture for the kitchen and living room and we are transporting her own bedroom furniture when we move her. Family and friends have given her some other essentials like bath towels, kitchen utensils and towels, silverware, dishes, etc. I think she is pretty close to being prepared to leave. We are just about 6 weeks away! Crazy. It is a lot for this Mamma's heart to contend with but I am so thrilled for her. Fly, baby girl, fly!

Remember when I told you yesterday that I was signing up for a class to learn how to video, market, and run online art classes? Well, while I was on the website to sign up for that, I came across another fantastic class called "Figurescapes." It is a digital art class that combines abstract iPad drawings of the human form with digital elements to create a final figurative piece. Since I am always on the lookout to expand my knowledge and art repertoire, I signed up for that class too! I am so stinking excited. The good news is that both classes are self-paced and I have access to the lessons online for a lifetime...there is no need for me to feel pressured or stressed about finishing at a certain time. It is perfect for me right now...I can do bits and pieces as I feel up to it and not worry about losing my money if I don't feel well enough for a few days.

Last, today I am humbly requesting prayers today, specifically that my white blood cell count may be high enough to perform the blood test that I desperately need. Last week the lab called my doctor to report my white blood count was too critically low to even perform the test, so after a week of immune boosting medicine, I am hoping today my white blood count cooperates. Thank you!

Have an amazing Thursday...Friday is in sight! xo

Chamomile

According to many of the flower meaning websites out there chamomile represents patience and it also attracts wealth. I think that is a worthy flower to keep around! About a week ago I had to make a stop at Wegman's market and I treated myself to a farmer's bouquet. All week I had planned on photographing it until life happened and all the flowers began to die. That is except, of course, this lone chamomile flower and the beautiful greenery that was with it. So, I decided to go with the shoot anyway, preserving the beauty of this delicate, tiny flower.  One of my passions, now that I can't get out very much, is using my tabletop soft box to do portraits of flowers. They are just so much fun to work with.

Now that the kids are going back to school in September, I have been getting more and more excited about all the free time I will have to focus on art. I am planning on taking some art classes as well as teach digital art classes. It is funny how the universe works...I just put out there to my husband the other day that I need to figure out how to video tape myself doing the editing process on my iOS devices and on Photoshop so I can do online classes. Well, what should appear in my inbox from another artist (who does online classes)?  That's right, a class about how to record, teach, and market online art classes. Bingo! So, I am signing up for that class and will be working through it this summer from my home. Then, in the fall, I will be searching local colleges to start some hands-on art classes. I am looking for one in particular for art journaling,  mixed media, or collage. I'd consider taking a beginning painting class too. I am so excited to have 6 hours a day to dedicate to resting or art when the fall comes. After two full years of 24/7 with my little ones, it will be a welcome time to focus on healing myself and expressing myself. I think I will be a better person, wife, and mother, and friend for it.

Speaking of painting classes, I am taking Zach and Natalie to their first canvas art class today. I will post pictures to my FB when they finish the project today. I will enjoy watching them and learning from the instructor as well! They are super excited about it. They have 4 classes this summer with 4 different canvases they will paint. Good times.

Just a side note, I've added a section to the blog menu called The Mighty. On that page is a link to my The Mighty author's page where you can find a link to all of my written articles about Lyme Disease and Chronic Illness. So far I am honored to have three published! Two of them were previously published here on the blog but the third one I wrote specifically for The Mighty, so if you'd like to read my latest article, Why Hugging You Is Not Good For My Health, please click through. If you like it and find the article useful, would you please consider clicking the heart on that page or using the social media icons to share it? Thanks! The more I use my voice to help others understand chronic illness or make others feel they are not alone in walking through this, the better!

Be sure to tune in tomorrow to see my favorite flower portrait I took yesterday...a white rose. 

Have a beautiful Wednesday!

xo

Hope

Kousa Dogwood

There was never a night or a problem 

that could defeat sunrise or hope.

Bernard Williams

Hope is knowing the sun still exists even when the night of the new moon wraps your world in total darkness. Hope is hearing a symphony burst forth out of the discord of individual instruments. Hope is thinking you are totally and utterly alone in the world in your experience and finding someone else who understands. Hope is the sound of a baby's laughter. Hope is going to sleep when the bud is tightly closed and waking to the flower spread open in all its glory. Hope is knowing that nothing is impossible in the hands of God.

I'll be honest. There are many times along this journey where I have lost hope. I have reconciled myself to the fact that for the rest of my life I will live in pain and uncertainty, with limited mobility,  and a burden to the rest of my friends and family. When in the midst of so much unrelenting pain, it is easy to lose hope; to see only the darkness; to forget the sun is behind the clouds. But, despite how low I became, I hung onto the my last shred of faith which resided only in God, that He knew the answers and loved me enough to show me the path to healing in His time.

So, when I went to my doctor's appointment yesterday, hope was difficult to find. I have been in Chronic Lyme Disease and co-infection treatment over and over only to relapse again and again. Over the years I have times where I feel close to normal only to fall into pain and worsening symptoms again. I have walked this walk, done all the things I was told to do and still was sick on an almost daily basis. Having only started treatment (again!) a month ago and knowing that things often get worse before they get better didn't help my mental state. Hope was running thin and I could feel depression set in. I wanted there to be new answers, new things to try, new explanations as to what was happening inside my body. However, I felt like I was rewalking the same path I had walked before surrounded by the same scenery.

My prayers for renewed hope were answered yesterday.  After going into more detail with my LLMD (Lyme Literate Doctor) about my joint pain and the history of stiffening, swelling, and pain in every joint including my knuckles, toes, knees, shoulders, hips, back...you name it I had pain in it either currently or at some previous time; he suggested that my pain may not have everything to do with Lyme but with a problem referred to as leaky gut. Sounds gross, right? Well, actually it is gross. Leaky gut is when your stomach becomes damaged from prolonged illness, prolonged antibiotic treatment, or other factors and small particles of food that haven't been digested get passed through a hyperpermeable stomach lining into your blood stream. Once in your bloodstream, these tiny particles can become lodged in your tissues and the immune system then attacks the particles thinking they are bacteria or a virus, causing inflammation, pain, and stiffness (among other problems). This issue can become so severe that it can render patients with such arthritic pain they end up in a wheelchair. So, to see if this is a factor in my situation, the doctor ordered a blood test that will evaluate how my white blood cells react to over 450 individual foods, additives, colorings, molds, functional foods, medicinal herbs and chemical substances. This will tell me what food sensitivities I may have that could cause inflammation and pain. This renewed my hope for better days because it makes total sense to me. I do notice a correlation between eating certain foods and having a flare of my symptoms. So, this may not be the total answer, but if avoiding trigger foods can help reduce my pain levels in the long run, I am willing to do whatever I can to help return my life back to normal.

So, I'm still clinging to the hope that more answers may be out there for me, despite that voice in my head that keeps repeating, "Just give up." Please pray that this course of action may find some relief for me. I have to wait for my next appointment (a month away) to get the results, so in the meantime I am on a severely restricted diet to see if restricting certain foods (such as the nightshade category) will help with my pain levels.

Thank you, as always, for your continuing prayers, cheers, and support.

xo

Strength and Stability- Mobile Art and Photography by Tracey Grumbach

Strength and Stability

Remember, the storm is a good opportunity

for the pine and the cypress to show 

their strength and stability.

-Ho Chi Minh 

For those who don't follow me on social media, I'd like to share the wonderful news that I will have an article published for the online magazine, The Mighty, based on this post I wrote last week. Because of the wonderful encouragement of many people who approached me and wrote to me this week saying how much the blog post helped them better understand the perspective of someone who has a chronic illness, I decided to submit the blog post to see if it could be helpful to larger audience of readers. I was modestly hopeful the editors of this website would see the value in my point of view and in my writing. After just a few days, I was thrilled to hear they accepted my writing for publishing (although it may be a few weeks before it is actually released) and offered for me to be a contributing writer to the website. I was so honored and excited for this amazing opportunity to use my voice to spread awareness and help others. I will let everyone know when the article is live. Thank you to everyone for your undying support in all my ventures. Whether it is for my art, my writing, my journey through homeschooling, or my fight against Chronic Lyme Disease, so many of you have been there to cheer me on and lift me up when I fall. Thank you.

Today I have a doctor's appointment with my LLMD to check on the progress of my treatment plan, see the results of my liver function tests, and discuss the next steps in this phase of my treatment. I would appreciate any and all prayers for wisdom, guidance, and good news. After so many years of a roller coaster ride, staying positive and maintaining hope for a full recovery is extremely difficult for me. Thank you in advance for your positive thoughts, prayers, and vibrations!

Also, today I will be delivering the two pieces of art that were accepted into the Art Without Boundaries Art Show! It is always fun and exciting to be a part of a juried art show and have my work displayed in new places. I was thrilled to find out that one of my dear friends, artist Kara Main, will be showing along with me in the same exhibit. So proud of her! Click on her name to check out her beautiful, thought provoking work.

Have a beautiful Tuesday- smile at a stranger today and make the world just a bit happier.

***Edited to say- the article HAS BEEN PUBLISHED! That was quick! You can read/see the article here on The Mighty. You can see my author profile here.

xo

Fawn Grove Church of the Nazarene

Fawn Grove Church of the Nazarene- Pylesville, Maryland

You know how it feels when you climb into your favorite pair of warm, soft pajamas after a long, cold day? You know how it feels when you read a perfectly entertaining book curled up under a worn, favorite blanket with your pet snuggled in close to you? You know the feeling when you sit with a long time best friend and laugh together over shared private jokes over a warm cup of your favorite coffee?  After 20 years of not having a church to call home, that is how I feel when I walk into the doors of Fawn Grove Church of the Nazarene. It is so good to finally find a spiritual place to call my own and feel perfectly comfortable, warm, and content.

Thank you, Pastor Johnathon and Michele. We absolutely adore you both.

xo

Individually, We Are One Drop

We Are One Drop- Photo by Brenna Grumbach; Edited by Tracey Grumbach

Individually, we are one drop.

Together, we are an ocean.

-Ryunosuke Satoro

It was a bright, perfectly warm day, about 75 degrees, when we stood together on this California beach. We stood in awe as the Pacific waves crashed terribly, forcibly into the rocky cliffs surrounding the sand. The noise was an unrelenting cycle of pounding surf punctuated with the high pitched squawks of seagulls nearby. It was too loud to talk comfortably, so we stood in silence, observing. Our bare feet sunk slowly into the cold, wet sand, eventually lost beneath the ever transforming earth. We squinted, despite wearing sunglasses, as the sun reflected off of the water like a million diamonds floating in the sea, the color of the water so turquoise that we wondered if it were real. The spray and mist from the salty water permeated the air and clung to our skin and hair in micro-droplets, surrounding us in a moisture filled hug from the sea. Negataive ions of crashing water swirled around us, luring us closer to this undulating, breathing giant. We were there together, but separate, lost in our own thoughts and sensory experiences yet united in this common experience, this common place. 

I will never forget this moment I shared with my daughter and my husband on a trip we took west to explore colleges back in September. As we were driving along the coast, north to Los Angeles, we spontaneously pulled off at a parking area and got out to explore this beach. This moment is engrained in my mind, which is why this altered photo means so much to me. It was a collaboration of her photograph and my editing, used with her permission and blessing. As she is getting ready to leave for college in less than two months, I want to capture, memorialize, and remember these individual memories I've shared with her. Her absence will be felt deeply here when she is gone, but I am so thrilled for her to spread her wings. A bittersweet dichotomy...

Have a blessed day.

xo